|Review:||Mad Hatter says:|
I simply don't have any words for this - it's utterly perfect. There's another oneshot around, called 'Alice', I believe, that's a little bit like this - it looks into the mind of Alice Longbottom, and it has that whole 'six, five, seven, sixteen' business going on.
This was really done perfectly - I don't know how anyone could find fault in it. It definitely it stream-of-consciousness, and it shows the way her mind works wonderfully. It's something that doesn't make sense but makes sense in a wonderful way all the same. It's gorgeous.
I'm trying to find fault in this so I can say I reviewed it on TGS but I simply can't. Although I do wish the ending could be a little bit clearer, but then again, it might spoil it. I assume the presence of speech marks means she spoke in the real world? And Not-Teddy is the teddy that comes to visit her in her bed, and she spoke to him? But if that's not what it is - not even close - them perhaps that might need a little bit of clarifying or maybe I just need a thwack on the head. Either one.
The flow is wonderful - choppy, yes, but it works because that's the sort of story it is. The description and the muddlement and the way it switches from past and present and second and first and third and it is all just simply amazing in its messed-upness. Did you write this during a timed examination? Because for me this would have taken simply AGES to get right. But perhaps it wouldn't? I don't know. This is just such a wonderful piece of writing that I'm not sure I know anything any more.
The relationship between Sara and Teddy is perfectly clear, and I do like how it all plays out. I do wonder why Mrs. Potter was holding a birthday party for her, though, as she is an OC and the relationship between Sara and the clan isn't touched upon. But really, that's not a problem because there's absolutely nothing to be done about this and it's absolutely gorgeous and wonderful and amazing and stunning just the way it is.
- emma xx
Author's Response: Wow, thank you so much for leaving such a long and lovely review!
I'll be sure to have a look at that one. I assume it's about Alice Longbottom?
Yeah, she did speak to Teddy in the real world. She refers to him as Not-Teddy because he's older, and while she sees it's the same person she doesn't really recognise him. In her mind, she's sixteen and he's sixteen, and a 30-something Teddy at her bedside doesn't really compute.
The choppiness was intentional, because it would be the only way to get across Sara's thoughts. I did write it on a timed exam, yes - six hours. I'm astonished at myself, to be quite honest, cause most of my creative writing exam papers are terrible due to the time constraint. :P
I'd like to thank you for commenting on that, because now I really want to get into her relationship with the Weasleys. I have a few ideas milling about, but we'll see if any of them bear fruit :P
Thank you so much for taking the time to read it and to write this up! :D