So, first to your question that you asked me to consider when reviewing. To answer this will be a perfect way to start this review. (Worried yet?) You asked me if I 'bought' the moments between Pansy and Draco.
Answer is (drumroll) YES. Why? Well, you've attempted something very tricky here, in my opinion. You've attempted a dialogue in a crisis situation, not an easy task! We have the total chaos of a battle and this young guy is holding the hand of a girl who's desperately asking if he loves her or not...as she's dying. I mean...wow Macabre is a really good title for this story. This is an extremely macabre situation. I certainly wouldn't want to be in this situation. HOWEVER, that small little voice in my head wants to ask: What WOULD someone say in this situation? (And I love that you draw exactly this reaction from the reader out...this is where I realized, wow...this feels real!)
What the real "topper" for me is, are the thoughts going on as this is all happening. I do think your mind races at a time like this. I think its human nature to want to comfort someone, especially someone with whom you've a relationship of sorts, at a time when they are clearly dying. If I was dying and someone I loved was holding my hand, I would definitely want to hear "I love you"...I mean, I can't think of anything else I'd want to hear, to be honest.
I personally enjoy the dialogue as it is. I like the story as it is in general. I think the dialogue itself is not THE most important thing, its Draco's thoughts that are steering the story here--and they are clear, poetic, beautiful...and and and :)
I fear I'm beginning to ramble, so here is the summary. I like this story very much. Period. It's wonderful, mostly because I have respect for being able to write such wonderful dialogue in such a difficult scene. So give yourself a pat on the back. Job well done. 10/10 from me :)
Author's Response: I'm sorry it's taken a few days to respond! That's my fault.
Thank you very much for the review! I'm glad this story has finally gotten 'perfected'. It was written back in October!
It's a shame I can't really remember the plans or the inspiration for any of this fic. It's kind of alien to me in that regard. I know the title IS for the situation, but beyond that, well. It was a challenge, I suppose.
But I'm glad you liked it! And that you didn't think it was at all melodramatic. I definitely had to ask that question when writing it (what would someone say to their old flame dying?). It's not answered, but at least it is addressed in this fic.
I'm glad you thought his stream of thoughts was a good (nay, dare I say great?) addition to this story. I think it makes the story, after all, because someone watching the exchange wouldn't know half of the true story. Draco is the only person that COULD have found Pansy lying there, when you think about it.
I agree with you completely. If I thought about it, I'd want to hear those three words too. It's got to be the most comforting thing, and know that person means it. And that's what Draco struggles with --- what if Pansy saw through empty words? Are they empty words? Why can't I just SAY IT?! That kind of thing . . .
I couldn't help by smile happily at this review. Hard work recognized, because it really was. I put my heart into Draco, and I'm glad it was appreciated! :)
And I didn't notice you to ramble! And even if you were, I love rambling --- to read and to write. It's kind of my thing.
Definitely patting myself on the back! Thank you very much for the great review beautiful one! I remember that much from your name. Spelling it though . . . I'll get back to you!
Thank you very, very very much!