Phew. Wow. That was a really intense reading experience. I understand what you mean about writing something difficult that you work harder on than anything before, so that it consumes you. I just wrote something a challenge Pookha issued, and I spent so much time on that, re-writing, changing this, starting over, etc.
About your story. I was utterly sucked in by the emotion. I've said it before, but you are one of the best writers I've come across on this site from an emotional standpoint. Not that the narration isn't strong. It is. But not all writers can get the emotion aspect down, even if their writing is strong, generally.
I am a little confused about how the twins wound up prisoner, though that's not the most important thing. I infer that they were clowning around, trying to be heroic or important, and they made a mistake and got caught. I'm also a little confused about that magic Fred harnessed. For fantasy in general, it works, but in JKR's Harry Potter world, it doesn't seem to fit completely. Was that supposed to be the sacrificing-in-the-name-of-love magic, and if so, how did that work, exactly?
When I first started reading, I thought perhaps that in this story, you were working a little too hard to describe things. The writing felt a bit formal, but it actually works extremely well with the mood of the piece. There's a feeling of distance even as this is an intimately emotional piece. The POV switching works well also, in part because Fred and George are so intimately connected.
This review sounds a little unclear to me; I don't really know if I conveyed what I was thinking very effectively. I thought the story was very good. It was certainly gripping. There weren't any flashes of humor like you often include . . . there was no relief for the reader this time, aside, perhaps, from bittersweet relief that George didn't die. Excellent writing.
Author's Response: Yes, I knew this wouldn't be a light read the moment I started working on it. I don't really know why my muse felt the need to take this route with the story, but once I started, I had to see it through.
You flatter my greatly with the praise about emotion. It really means a lot that the story sucked you in because of it, especially since that was pretty much all this story had - emotion. It was a fic based entirely off an intense look at the emotions between two people. So thank you!
I realize the way the twins got into this situation is confusing. This fic was based off a rather vivid dream I had, and as dreams are want to do, it didn't come with fleshed out instructions or background. I actually started this fic a different way at first, explaining how they ended up there and such, but it didn't work. I could tell it was wrong to go with the rest of the story. As soon as I scraped that begining the whole thing started flowing much better. In all honestly, *I'm* not even sure how they ended up there, and I decided in the end it didn't really matter. I was going for a snapshot of what could have happened, not so much an explanation for why it did. Does that make sense?
As for the powerful magic Fred used. Again, I'm not sure. I know it's not exactly canon, but I also wasn't trying to invent something new. I just took the idea that there was something special that existed between Fred and George as twins and ran with it. I figured there are many, many things that happen in real life that can't always be explained, why couldn't there be unexplained things in magic as well? I hope it didn't detract from the story, or make you think overly hard about it. :)
The formal style was again something that just worked. Once I ditched the first begining and let it go this way, the style sort of fell into place. That's not to say that is was EASY to keep it up for the whole thing, but I knew this story needed it. And you are exactly right - I was going for that sense of distance, so you mentioning it has me skipping for joy. The switching POV's worried me, as I knew it would be very easy for people to get confused by the pronouns, but apparently it came out okay. *whew*
Don't worry, the review isn't unclear. It's a great review, actually. Sorry the humor was missing. There just wasn't any room for it in this fic. Maybe next time.
Thanks so much for reading! It's always great to get a review from you.