Oh no, I make you cry? :-( That makes me feel like a very mean person. This review should hopefully cheer you up, but I didn't write a nicer review just to make you feel better. I connected with this piece better than I did with the Lysander one (though I have to say, you have a knack for letting stories end with a bang).
True, the Marauders are my least favorite, but I come across some good ones now and then. And actually, I don't mind slash at all. :-) (I even read femmeslash, a line I knew some reviewers draw even if they read slash.) I see what you mean now when you wrote under pairings that to say would give it away. The whole time I was wondering, "Is it Remus or is it James?"
Anyway. I don't actually have anything brutal to say about this story, lol. It was rather erotic, definitely deserving its Mature rating, but I found it tasteful. Your description throughout the piece (not only of the romantic parts) was detailed enough that the scene can be imagined without any problem, while refraining from the temptation to describe every little speck of dust in the setting.
I am a little confused why Remus was convinced that he and Sirius were heading for heartbreak . . . is there something specific they anticipate happening? Or is that supposed to reference to what I picked up in the beginning, that Sirius isn't exactly out of the closet, even to himself sometimes?
I don't see this as a big problem though, because this piece seems meant to exist in its own little bubble, like Remus and Sirius are doing during the half hour or however long this story spans.
If I had been writing this (not that I'm an expert writer . . . hardly), I probably would have given Remus a little different voice than you did and maybe played up his wolfish tendencies slightly, but he's a minor character, which means we can all take a slightly different angle on him, you know?
Overall, good work. I'm impressed for your first slash piece and for writing a tasteful M-rated scene. There was nothing that stuck out to me as being stronger or weaker than the rest. This piece flowed well with a consistent feeling from top to bottom.
Author's Response: Please, don't feel like a mean person, you really aren't. The only reason I told you that your reviews make me cry (sometimes) was so that you would understand why I keep coming back to you for reviews.
I do like to end stories with a bit of a bang, I'll admit :] It's a weakness I have as a writer and I just can't resist it.
Oh, I wasn't sure if you liked slash or femmeslash. I personally love to read both, but I've never attempted either.
Nothing brutal? Honestly, I'm totally shocked! I was expecting you to rip this to shreds and then stomp on it for good measure. But either way, I'm delighted :] I love description and often times it is difficult to know when to stop, so I'm glad that I described just enough!
Oh, very good, Alopex. Sirius isn't exactly out of the closet, so that's the headed for heartbreak description thing going on there. I wondered if anyone would catch that xD
You have a very good point there. I actually never thought about bringing out Remus's wolfish tendencies. But, in truth, we will truly never know how Remus would have acted in that situation, so perhaps...well, I just might do a bit of editing.
Alopex, I thank you for the brutally honest review. Your reviews always keep me grounded and as I've said before, I've only been writing for two years and I've got a LONG way to go. Thank you for the review!