Fourth time in the past 2 hours I've tried to write this! I promised myself I wasn't going to turn this into a pointless squee that makes me out to be like some overexcited newbie fangirl but I'm afraid it might just end up so.
Divine? Would that do? Tonks was both in character and yet somewhat out of it at the same time. Her situation, her thoughts, her emotion, it was all very her but in such an eloquent manner of phrasing that is usually not associated with her. Every word simply dripped with the desperation, the need to be with him, the love she evidently feels towards him and which is so poorly touched upon in the books that this almost completes it.
If there is one thing I admire about your writing more than any other part, it's how you make me slow down to read. I'm horrific at reading something without thinking, reading and not taking it in, skimming it and missing a crucial point, but whenever I come to read something of yours, I cannot help but take every word in because every word is important. There is absolutely nothing in your writing that feels superfluous or unnecessary, and it manages that whilst still being breathtakingly beautiful.
The opening paragraph created a lot of intrigue and interest, in all its simplicity. Despite it being stream of consciousness, I actually found it flowed very neatly together and wasn't overly tricky to follow - saying that, as I said, I was reading very slowly and attentively.
Between me last trying to review and writing this, another review has popped up. I must completely disagree with her note on your sentence length. I think it was actually the long, flowing sentences that made it so much more emotional. I think separating them up would certainly take something away from it. I often find longer sentences in other people's work as a negative thing - there's a rambling aspect and lack of focus on the message the line is trying to get across - but you are completely the opposite. I absolutely adore your longer structures because they manage to maintain my interest continuously.
This is me trying to sound very intelligent and mature and I know I've probably done nothing more than tell you exactly what you already know but I honestly never have words for your writing that surpass fangirlish squealing. It's my pathetic excuse for not reviewing off my own back, and one which I am terribly ashamed of.
As expected, this is an absolutely stunning piece of writing. I could pick my favourite lines out but I'd probably exceed the review word limit.
I absolutely adored it.
Author's Response: Thank you for this, Rachel! I'm sorry it took you so long to write this, and even moreso that it took me so long to respond. It's been wonderful getting a review from you! ^_^
So the characterization, while not completely on, still works? That's good, as it was something that I wasn't sure about at all. The story popped out like this and I knew it wasn't quite Tonks, yet at the same time, there's so much about Tonks we don't know that I thought I could get away with it. I think it's the pain and suffering aspect of her character that comes through most here, and it's an aspect of her that's passed over so much in the books. There are glimpses of it in HBP and less so in DH, but her tragic flaw is her love for Remus, a love that doesn't suit her character as she appeared in OotP. But the emotion is the important part here, and I'm very glad that it came through with that desperation and depth.
The opening paragraph fell into my head one day - it was very random, and it doesn't perfectly mesh with the rest of the story, but it did help me get into the style, the first person narration that addresses a second person. It worked as a diving board, and it's good to hear that it captured your interest.
I'm still going to check some of the sentences for length, just in case, but I'll keep your point in mind, too. :D The longer sentences do tend to suit the stream of consciousness style better, but there may be cases in which I should put a full-stop or semi-colon instead of a comma (the latter of which I abuse like no tomorrow, haha). I'm going to remember your point about the emotion, though, as the more emotional points require that run-on sentence to properly express them, if that makes sense at all.
Thank you again for this review, Rachelle! It means a lot that you've enjoyed this story. ^_^