First of all, a warning: If this review is not gonna make you happy, that's my fault. I always find it hard to give just reviews to a story that was good itself, but didn't suit my tastes at all. So whatever I'm gonna say: your story is good.
Your flow of writing is natural, and little Rose is really cute. Hermione's character totally suits the original person, and so does Ron's (although he was just mentioned in conjunction with the "conniption" & "fit" thing, which was really good).
Whom I liked most, though, was Ginny. This is just the way I always imagined her to be as a mother.
But why, why, why? Why is everyone asking me for reviews one of those Scorpius/Rose-fans?? I understand the fact that there isn't really anyone else left for Rose to date, but to couple them just because you lack alternatives? What a shame.
You're pretty lucky this is taking place somewhere in the future. Cause last time I checked, nine-year-olds didn't call each other hot. Or "bug", for that matter.
Which leads me to your mentioning of the desert bug. Scorpions are spiders and not bugs :-)
One section I completely didn't understand. It would become much more understandable if you'd add info on who is speaking.
' "I didn’t know you well back then. Besides, you can't tell me that you knew you were in love when you were ten."
I stared her down.
"Okay." [what, okay?]
I sighed with relief.
"For your sake, I won't. [won't do what?]
If it makes you feel better." '
After reading it several times, I finally understood what you meant, but it still didn't make very good reading at this section.
Rating: 7/10 (5/10 being the average story on HPFF)
No real surprises, nothing thought-provoking, romantic, scary or funny. Your idea with the pictures for each person's name was really good, though. All in all, good work.
Oh, by the way: you managed to write a Harry-Potter-fanfic without using either of the words "wand", "spell", or "magic". Congratulations :-)
Author's Response: Hey! I didn't realize that I hadn't used those words. That IS an accomplishment! :)
I understand it's not really your thing, and I was expecting it not to be. It was written for a challenge where I had to use less than 3000 words, and I had to cut out more than 1000 words. So I was curious if it did what it was supposed to. I'm glad you thought the characters were suitable, and that you liked Ginny.
Thanks for your comments on the dialogue. Oh, and it really depends on which nine year olds you talk to these days... sometimes reality is stranger than fiction. ;)
I'm glad you took the time to review. I really appreciate it!