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Review:George Whitman says:
Ugh! I hate that Victoire pins Teddy as just another of the guys! So frustrating! Doesn't she realize how much more he is? blah! Women. Now moving on from my little rant, I thought that this was overall a good piece. I thought that the combination of the two scenes was great and I think that everything about it was plausible. I never got that feeling of POW! OH WOW! I hope you know what I mean. There is no excellent way to define this chapter. I think it might be the wrapped up in a way that you reviewed the first chapter of Nixton's. Which is really ironic and not a bad thing. I thought that the voice here was detached, not in sync with the emotion found in the scenes. As you did with me however I will read on and ease into that voice. It may just be that I am becoming too accustomed to action fics that have so much juice right off the bat, thanks to our dear Kaity. Overall, well done!

Author's Response: hey george,

I think the point that you make about the voice being distant in this scene is really interesting (and yes, ironic). I suppose, I was going for a prologue-y voice and that's how it happened. And hopefully, if I can coerce you into reading this far, this scene is written again in chapter 11, and I hope at the point the voice is quite emotive. Yeah, not an action fic this one, more like coming of age.

And YAY! i'm big on plausability and realism, so that's exciting. (That makes me sound so boring :/) but I'm glad it worked and didn't confuse you.

Like I said, don't be too hard on poor Victoire. I know you have to side with Teddy (it is his story) but she's very frightened and surprised.

Thanks again for the review; they're super helpful and Teddy is finally starting to want to be written again, so definitely helpful. I'm glad you liked it!


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