Hey! I'm back! :D
Like I said before, I really do like your story, so I'm going to be a little nitpicky in this review. Trust me, it's only because I want your story be perfect! Unfortunatly, I read this last night, and I'm reviewing now, but I'm going to try and remember everything!
Let me start from last chapter:
I laugh and say "Sorry, I had a really late night." winking right back, earning both of us a dirty look from Mitch.
"Sorry, I had a really late night," I say laughing, adding a wink at the end, which earned us both a dirty look from Mitch.
This line was really funny:
James hates when I take us his stuff, and he doesnít really approve of school work either.
Still, instead, you could have written:
James hates when I take his stuff, and he doesn't really approve so school work either. So of course, the two put together don't really make a good combination.
"OIY WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!"
OIY should be spelled OYE :P
"Oh calm down, I stopped yelling at him didn't I?
Add a comma after him.
Hm. Is it just me, or does Erin like James? ;)
"Hey Scorpius," I say with a laugh, he looks ridiculous.
instead of a comma, use a semicolin! So it should be I say with a laugh; he looks ridiculous. It's because "Hey Scorpius," I say with a laugh, and He looks ridiculous, can both stand on their own. A comma isn't strong enough to connect both of those thoughts.
I think it was soo cute how Scorpius ran up to her before and after class! Also, I loved how he asked her out, hehe, that silly blob of cuteness. :P
I absoutely love James. I don't know, both James the first, and this James just always end up being my favourite character. Hehe, he's so tactless, but so cute. :P It was really cute how Scorpius came out to look for her!! I 'awwed' outloud. :P This chapters grammer was an improvement from the last. The things I listed in before are really your main weaknesses, and I tried to list an example of each type. Mostly, the commas are the ones that keep reapearing! It's okay, I have trouble with them too! Just remember, watch out for those fragment sentences! Of course, there are those things that is pretty much impossible for the writer to catch. How's the beta search coming?
Please rerequest for the next 2 chapters! I honestly really like your story! Hence why I took so much time with this review. I haven't done that before with any review, so consider yourself lucky. ;) Hehe, just kidding!
Keep at it!! :D
Author's Response: Thank you SO much. I will definatly go back and fix all those errors. Grammar is definatly not my strong point. I put up a request for a beta last week but so far no takers. Alot of beta request don't seemed to be getting filled.. :/ So not much luck thus far!
I'm glad you like James, I love writing him. I agree that I usually end up loving both JamesI and JamesII in stories, they are just such great characters!
I'll be sure to request my next chapters! I really appreciate your reviews. And I do consider myself lucky! (: Thanks a million for your helpfullness.