Hi, emmapotter! It's me, Kristen again with your review. Aww, I just want to say that your review response made me so very happy that you were happy and that I got you smiling! Even though I said I didn't want to read Trio-at-Hogwarts stories (since their story has been chronicled by Rowling already) I got to say I love Ron/Hermione. Always have, always will (which that, and a few other key factors, is why I HATE Harmony so much.) But this was a cute little story ^_^.
The lyrics of the song fit the mood of the story very well, and vice versa.
Although I do have to say that I sort of thought that the voice you used as Hermione's was a bit...off, personally speaking :(. It sounded just a tad bit more like Lavender Brown or Padma Patil than Hermione. I mean, I perfectly get you were conveying she was a girl in love (hell, I'm a girl very much like Hermione in manner and tastes and I'd probably react the same way as you portrayed, so kudos on making it relatable!) but all the "really really really"s and "Today was definitely...will not believe what happened" and other colloquialisms just didn't strike me as something Hermione Granger would say. Perhaps if she was either more awe-struck and at a loss for words, it would sit more right. I've always sort of seen Hermione as a VERY smart girl, but when it comes to two things - sports and boys - she's clueless. I like how you had that element of confusion with Ron's signals though! It made it more real.
The flow was fine ^_^, nothing to worry about there - I liked how it was little scenes we Ron/Hermione shippers have come to love! But I would have liked to have seen her reaction to Viktor Krum, since he did ask her to the Ball and Ron didn't. It would have added another layer to her, I think :). There was one sentence you could have cut from the fiction though because it just seemed so out of place and a bit of a bump. The one where Hermione talks about how Harry has changed etc. etc.; Harry just sort of popped out of nowhere and didn't really come back afterwards, so to smooth things out I'd recommend just cutting that part out completely :D. Also, the "After the Attack" paragraph is very good but you have some conventional errors; whenever a new person speaks, they have their own paragraph. With everything pushed together, it sort of made the scene a little cluttered :).
This was a very nice little pick-me-up after working on Sociology papers and dramatic Coming of Age memoirs, thanks!
Author's Response: Yes, when I wrote this, I was a Lavender Brown/Parvati Patil kind of girl, and re-reading, even I find it so not Hermione! But, when I get the time, I'll go back and change it! :)
Thanks for the crit! I'm in love with the way you review! It's so sweet! :) I'm requesting for another, right now, when I saw this review! :rollseyes:
I think I will add Krum's part though, he deserves that.he made Ron/Hermione more spicy! :P And more obvious too! :)
When I wrote this, about three years back, I think, I was very very young, about fourteen, and I honestly had no clue what I was doing, so this has got to be one of my worse ones! :-| I wil work on the little details you pointed out though! Thanks for that!
Glad yo could find time to give such a detailed review! I love it when people do that!