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Review:VampireKisses says:
Hi, Evanlyn! How are you? You must forgive me if my review is not as long as you expected, I'm on my Itouch (my dad is hogging the desktop once more) and I'm not yet used to the keyboard on this small screen.

I'll be perfectly honest - I thought this was an adorable story =D. It's not very often where you can find a HPFF fanfiction that captures JK Rowling's version of life in the wizarding world, channels the feelings we had when we all read the books. I think you did that nicely ^_^

Unfortunately, you had a few canonical errors that caused bumps in the reading (for me, at least.) Like, Teddy passing Dumbledore's tomb. Now I really could be mistaken, but I thought his grave was buried in the lake...either way it was secluded. I understand if it was to show respect to the greatness of Dumbledore, but it just seems like a desecration...I don't know if Dumbledore wouldn't mind having his tomb on display. That's just me though :). Also, I think in an interview with JKR, she said that Lupin didn't have to worry for his son as he didn't get harmed by his wolfiness. But since Teddy having werewolf-like characteristics is the whole essence of your story, I think you did THIS very realistically. I like how he can smell blood :P

Your dialogue is also great! I found it very easy on the ears, and it all seemed like what people would say in actuality. I also thought it was very creative of you to incorporate Blood Lilies and Fleshbanes - they seem like Harry Potter creatures! But I do have to say that in the first chapter when Teddy calls Susan Bones 'Suzy' to be a little off. Does he know her on a close basis? It just seems a little unprofessional...I know if I called my Literary Club adviser 'Jill' instead of Miss Morgan, I'd be so embarrassed!

While your descriptions were nice, I don't think it would hurt to flesh them out - to help show and not tell in parts. Draw us in to how things look, feel, sound, touch. What did the Memorial Stone look like? How do your characters say things? Things like that :) but good job with the descriptions anyways. I loved the line where you talked about how he hated how his heroic parents were reduced to etchings on a wall.

In my review thread you asked if it has potential and if its going anywhere? Definitely, yes. Keep on going!

Good job!


Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing!! I thought Dumbledore's tomb was there, maybe not out on display but you could go and see it at least because in Deathly Hallows Voldemorts opens it. Ans my reason for Teddy calling her Suzie was to try and show that he has been to the hospital wing loads of times. I really appreciate you bringing them to my attention though I'll see what I can do.

Thanks, I am going to add more chapters but it's definetly going to be a short easy read nothing epic lol.


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