Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:mizzxpearl says:
Hey! I'm here with your review. :D

I think you might have stretched out the middle a bit TOO much. I started loosing interest a bit in the middle. It came back though, which is good, but I think if you didn't stretch it out, it would have been better. You don't want stretch things out unecessarly. I'm not saying get rid of detail, but if you think that you got your point across, you should move on.

Also, you switch points of views in a way that it gets a little confusing. Like at one point you will the audience of what James was thinking, and than out of no where you would switch to to Rowan. Be careful of that.

Now, onto the better part of the reivew! :D

Okay, the grammer has no doubt improved from your other fanfic, so keep it up! Your writing was still confusing at some parts, and I had to reread a few sentences a couple of times, but your imporving. I liked the little twist in the end; it was different and originial. I was confused the whole time too! I was like who would take HARRY POTTER'S son and accuse him of dark activites? Haha, but it was good!

This story also surprised me a bit when you portrayed James as a pretty good kid. From your other fanfic, I thought you didn't like him very much, since he's always up beating on Albus in that one. But, I'm glad you didn't characterize him like that - especially since he's one of my favorite next gen characters! He reminds me of his grandfather. :P

All in all, this was a cute piece! Keep writing! :D

Author's Response: I can't believe you categorized your first part as being the bad part. I like that you spot these little mistakes that need to be changed. I'll look into it.

I was trying a new style of writing that I came across. It is more like reading the same particular moment from different characters. I'll go back and see if I can still maintain that or scratch it out completely and redo the whole story.

I like James that why this little story of him found it's way into the archives. I was making amends.

Thanks again for your well detailed review. You amaze me.


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 446
Submit Report: