ROMINA!! Hi :) It's Kristen! I don't know if this review will be as long as some of my others because my dad has been claiming to get on this computer for the past twenty minutes. Nonetheless, I will not be deterred from what I have to say about your story ^_^
You are a great writer. I mean it. If you write professionally, you are sure to do quite well, I think. Your story enveloped me in its smoothness, taking me from sentence to sentence until I was set on my feet at the end there. Moreover, I REALLY like how this is a Percy/Audrey story...it's so very nice reading something new. And the way you set it up! I liked how you clarified it as his story or her story.
I don't know...there was just something about the language and style you chose that made "I and Love and You" seem like one of those classic stories you read on a cold winter's evening by the fireplace.
I do have to admit though, there WERE some things I thought were off. Like for instance, I noticed (and this is going to sound nitpicky, but I'm trying to be thorough here) you have a little repetition (both the good and meh kind.) I liked how you started both their stories with the same sentence of not expecting to fall in love. It sort of fits them, don't you think? It's short and to the point, clear as day...not really buried beneath flowery descriptions. Anyway, sorry for the ramble there, there was some meh repetition scattered in the sotry. Like I particularly noticed you used "across the threshold" or something to that effect, twice in close proximity.
Not to mention, there seemed to be some loose ends still...loose by the conclusion of the story. Like how did Mr. Forrester die? Was he muggle? What about George, why wasn't he ready for big crowds? If there was a problem (like depression or alcohol) wouldn't Percy have SOME clue? Do Audrey and Percy ever tell each other that they love one another? That ending sort of made it murky, for me personally, or do they just never admit that this love was life changing?
But that's just my opinion. I tend to think deeply...maybe sometimes too deeply.
Your dialogue is very realistic, as well as the insights to life. I found Audrey particularly relatable because I've had to lie to get away from unwanted suitors (creepers actually) so in that regard, I sort of been in her situation. I thought your quip about dating (the third paragraph) was so funny! Because its true. That was my favorite bit.
Great job!! Its nice to see you again!
Author's Response: Hey, Kristen! I was very happy to see that you were offering reviews, because you're always incredibly thorough. And don't worry about the length of this; I totally understand when someone wants the computer and what that can do to you.
Anyway, first of all, thank you so much. Writing professionally is my dream, and hearing that I can do well just warms my heart. Makes me want to achieve this dream (even if it's a long shot sometimes). I'm very happy you liked the writing, as well as the ship - writing this was new to me too, the set-up, the characterizations, and I just loved it, so I'm glad you liked it too.
As for your thoughts on the weaknesses of this story, well, I now exactly what you mean. I've been told that I sometimes am very inconsistent in my writing and the plots I create. I like to be ambiguous about certain things, but I realize that, while some things are better left unwritten, some aren't. And I'm also aware that I tend to be repetitive, and I will keep both those things in mind when I write next time.
As for your last question (the other ones I really can't answer because I haven't thought them through), about their love, I think at first they never admitted that their love was life changing, but they did share their feelings with one another, or at least when the time came.
And I'm happy you liked my take on dating - I needed to vent =P
All in all, thank you so, so much for this amazing review.