Dear, I must say that I like this story. A lot.
The plot was fantastic. Even though we have all (hopefully) read the HP books, it was from Harry’s perspective…not Hermione’s. As we travel from the beginning of the Yule Ball to The Final Battle, Ron and Hermione’s relationship takes tips and turns, even though we know their relationship will survive. The PoV was really nice. It wasn’t third person like it normally is, and we were allowed a little more insight into Hermione’s mind. Great job! It was on spot and I loved how the attitude was volatile and always changing. One minute she’s excited at the prospect of a relationship with Ron, and the next she’s fighting with him, hoping for it all to be over. Kudos!
Some people might try to diss Hermione, which they SHOULDN’T! It was completely spot on; I don’t care what anyone else says. Yes, Hermione is a bloody genius, but she is also a teenage girl who likes teenage girl things. There is more depth to Hermione than most people think, and you captured that with grace and intricate beauty. Throughout school, she hid behind layers of her logic because she was scared that being a Muggle-Born would make her not fit in (Hermione can be a rule-breaking, cool kid when she wants to be). Her thought processes were totally beautiful. Good job.
My only critique is that you don’t really show us what’s happening. While I lurve the thought you put into Hermione, it would be clearer if you added more detail, description, and dialogue. You can’t go wrong with it, and it would add life to the story. Perhaps some speaking lines between Ron and Hermione ;)
Besides this and some occasional typos (there was once when you left the ‘d’ off of and), I have no critique. I like what you did it and am definitely adding it to my favourites :)
If only there were more!
Author's Response: OMG! Thanks so much for the awesome review!
I'm stunned! I think of this as one of my worse works, I honestly was very young when I wrote this, like 14 or 15! Now when I read it I go like, 'Whoa! Did I ever write like this? EW!'
I'm my own worst critic and I'm very very harsh on myself! :P
Okay, that was random and wonder why I started rambling like that?! :P
Anyway, on to your review!
Thank you so so so much for such an amazing, I feel so much better about my writing right now! (I apparently have very low self-esteem, which turns out to be true. Damn, I'm rambling AGAIN! :sweat:)
I think Hermione is a great character to write as she seems so perfect but is so so flawed! I mean, she's a goody two shoes most of the time they're at Hogwarts but when it came to Harry and Ron she was anything but that! Talk about double standards! :P
As for more dialogue, I'm working on it. I suck horribly at dialogue.(though I LOVE talking, as you can see) Details, details. That's what I get most of the time! I'll work on that too!
Typos, ah, the bane of my existence. Since I've been writing fanfiction for a while, my typing speed has increased and so has the number of typos! :P I'll work on that too though!
Thanks for the encouraging(that's the word I was looking for!) and sweet revie that you've left me!
Hugs, (and cyber cookies and milk)