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Review:interzis says:
Hm. Well, overall, I think this is rather good. I like the concept of it. If you don't mind, I'd love to suggest some things. Firstly, before you post something, I'd suggest proofreading it. If not you, then have someone read it over for you. There were some simple grammar mistakes in there, some spelling errors, and even a few unfinished sentences. The flow of the story also wasn't quite there. I'd put that to jumping from one point of view to another. I see a lot of potential in this though. I loved some of your word choices and, like I said, the execution of the story line. Very nice.

Author's Response: I tried to fix up the errors you pointed out just now, I don't know if I got them all, but I will be sure to have someone else look over it soon! Spell check doesn't always work does it? :P I did the point jumping on purpose, but I promise to try and work on making it flow better :) thank you so much for the review and criticism! It's greatly appreciated!

-Sarah


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