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Review:Nevaline Caroline says:
Dear FannyPrice
I know it took very long for me to review but I've been under lots of pressure but I guess I thought “better late than never”.
I will start with the things I didn't like that much. First of all I didn't like the fact that you kept jumping through time completely without a warning. That quite confused me. Second of all the way Harry and the other grownups reacted when Teddy fought with Roger. You have no idea what would I give to have parents that would react that way but I think that there is no way of them reacting that way. At least they should have pretended that they are angry at him.
And now things I liked or in other words the rest of the story. It was very imaginative and addictive. I really liked the part with the lake or when Teddy was imagining how Victory would react if he told her. I also liked how Kara reacted when Victory became angry at Ted. I also liked Brian and the way he compared his feelings for Chris to Teddy's feelings for Victory. And I could go on and on because there were a lot of things I liked about this story.
As for your questions I don't think you are even getting close to the Mary-Sue territory. As for the verbose thing it's not that bad but I suppose if you put in more direct speech it would be perfect. And it would be nice if you put more Moony diary entrys because I find them very enjoyable.
So if I was supposed to rate this story, I'd give you 8/10 because of the time-jumping and the parent reaction.
I can't wait to read how it ends though.
NC

Author's Response: Hello! And thank you for the review! I don't mind that it came late; I think its great that you remembered me, actually.

Yeah, how Harry and the family reacted was a little understated. However, they are not his family. I think the rest of the Weasley's take their cue from Harry, and wouldn't step in either way if Teddy's behaving badly--unless of course it involves one of their own kids. It just isn't their place. I imagine Andromeda gave him a hard time about it when they got home, but both Harry and Andromeda wouldn't have wanted to get angry on the platform and just make an even bigger scene. What they want is for Teddy to calm down, not get more upset. But yeah, they probably could have been angrier.

The time jump thing...well, that means I didn't do my job as a writer to set the scene accurately if you were confused. However, i hate being obvious, so there is a good chance you'll never see a little note from me telling you whats going on, though sometimes I'll use italics. I actually like the way I have it going on here, because they feel more like memories this way, more real to the reader, and therefore readers feel more empathetic towards Teddy. Which is what I really wanted. And I do try to use the time elapse bar. Anyway, i'll try to do a better job of letting you know what time period they're in right away!

I'm glad you liked the story so much! Brian is really fun, and I liked writing the scene with Kara a lot too! I've always imagined it as being rather funny. Lol. And thanks for the compliments; those were quite lovely.

There will be more Moony diary entries to come, I promise! I'm glad you liked them so much! I adore Remus, and couldn't bear to leave him out! I'm glad you'll be back for updates!

Thanks so much!

-FannyPrice


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