Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:Grapeback says:
hi Ash! It's Amber from the forums! I can honestly say that this was a unique piece of work!

Obviously this is an intoductory...prologue-ish sort of chapter. That's what I had a feel of anyway. Of course, nothing too action-y went on; mainly it was talking about Laney and how she acted.

You have a very distinct writing voice; the way Laney is talking almost sounds like a diary entry (sort of :P). This is good in some ways. We know what she is thinking, everytime she is thinking it. But it is also bad in others. The beginning sounded overly cliche- the whole I am Laney and I like... was overdone. Don't get me wrong. I love how much you built up your character and I admire your writing style, because even if I attempted it, I would probably fail at writing this. However, we don't need to know everything about her in the first chapter, especially the emotional stuff like her parents leaving her. I also felt that more dialogue could have been inserted, if at all possible. That way, she's not talking alone :)

My only other critique is to not introduce all of her friends at once. Chances are we won't remember what they look like by the next chapter.

You get a sticker for writing a romance. You've got to love Al/ OC goodness ;). I am wandering what you have planned in stored for Laney and Al, especially because even though you gave away a lot, I haven't a clue on the plot.

Epic Moment

Excuse me, Gryffindor? I had asked, slamming the hat tighter onto my head. I dont think so! Im - supposed - to - be - EVIL! I had bellowed the words, wrestling to force the hat down.

Genius! Inspired! It totally made my morning (7 over here o.0)! Haha, wtf? Completely witty and you couldn't have done it better; especially when I got a good visual image of her beating the hat up and the hat is yelling, "Simpleton!"

Heh. Anyways, this was a good read and I hope you stop by my thread as soon as you can.

Author's Response: Hey there, Amber! Thanks for the awesome review!

I have been told that my style of writing is very distinct by others, as well. Typically in writing, one tries to play up their own strengths, so I usually like to work extra tediously with my writing style. It's nice that you pointed that out.

I am not sure what you mean by overly cliche. I have done my best to write Laney Becks in the least cliche way possible. The way I chose to write the first chapter of my story was basically to give you some sturdy background and let you understand a little bit about Laney's attitude before I jumped into the story. The beginning statement was meant to be my over all hook.

I'm thrilled you like the sorting piece! This was actually my favourite part, as well.

Thank you again, so much!!

cheers, ash

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 330
Submit Report: