I'm not familiar with the song that inspired this one-shot, so before writing this review, I looked it up (listened it up?) on YouTube. You can find anything on the internet these days. Anyway, point being, listening to the song gave me additional insight to your story and changed what I was going to say.
I see the point now. At first, I was quite confused about why exactly Cho would be thinking these thoughts. What triggered them? I suppose thoughts do just come to people when they see things--in this case, Harry and Ginny together--but I was still feeling a disconnect of some kind. However, when considering your piece in the context of the song, I don't feel that disconnect anymore.
Cho is a relatively minor character. She is important to Harry for a period of time, but she doesn't have a lot of dialogue. I guess it's kind of like Crabbe and Goyle. We know something about her, more than we know about Terry Boot or Theodore Nott, but we know less than we know about Luna or Neville. Therefore, authors do have a certain amount of leeway in characterizing her.
However, I wasn't crazy about Cho's voice in this piece. I think it was mainly because of your use of the first person--which fits with the song perfectly. It just made her seem kind of annoying and whiny, and even when main characters are that way (and there are definitely a lot of people out there who would argue that Cho fits that description), I look for something that makes me actually want to keep reading about them, despite their obvious flaws. With Cho here, I didn't feel that . . . she was just so whiny and poor-me that it totally turned me off of her as a character. Maybe that was the effect you were going for; I don't know. I do know that I have real reservations about her voice, though. There were flashes of Cho, but to me, there was a generic, 15-year-old drama queen thing going on.
I like this slice-of-life thing you have going on, though. It's interesting to explore characters' thoughts and motivations without the action and sustained plot necessary to a longer story. Obviously, Cho's spent a lot of time turning over her relationship with Harry in her mind (people don't just go around thinking, oh, we could be Romeo and Juliet and similarly grand thoughts out of the blue), and it was interesting to read her take on the whole thing. The scene before the battle in DH does leave room to speculate that she regretted the way things ended with him.
Author's Response: Hey! Thanks so much for the review. (:
Okay, sorry you didn't like her voice. Hmm. I can see what you mean. I was kind of going for that, but I"m sorry that you didn't want to keep reading. ):
Thanks for the review, I'll definetly take a look at it and try to fix it.