Well, now. This is a departure from what you normally write, isnít it? Donít be at all concerned by that fact. You still manage to write well. And a small part of me is a bit jealous that you can. I swear, if I could write this well when I was your age, I might not have had to go through a hell year of tutoring in Year 12 English. But, Good. Look at me. Iím acting like Iím 50 or something. Iím not. Iím just two years older than you. But still. I hate that you write so well. *pokes tongue out*
So, um. Not that petty jealousy is out of the way and I stop acting like Iím in kindergarten... Letís get onto the actual story, hey?
First thing is first. Yes, this is in third person. And that may be strange for you. But donít worry about it. You have it down. The tense and point of view is not awkward in the least so itís not something you should be worrying about. Not in the least.
You know what I think was the best part of this story? It read like an action film. I can actually picture it in my head. I can see it all playing out. Gah. This is hard for me to put in words. Let me try.
You know how whenever you see murder movies or... or, actually, you know what? Letís talk about TV. Something like CSI or something. They all start out with a seemingly innocent event. A family driving home from the weekend soccer match of the teenage son. A girl walking home and juggling through her purse for her keys. Someone taking the trash out late one night. You know what I mean. Just ordinary things. And they seem so innocent. Like nothing will happen. And then? BAM. Something happens. And it sets up the precipice for the rest of the story. That is exactly like that the scene with Rosmerta was. It was just her taking her cat out after a long day. But it set up the whole story. And itís just so... It just works. And I love it.
I love how you describe Rose being bored with her paperwork. Again, itís like the next part of the CSI show that we are watching. Itís the second scene, the one before the ad break. They switch to the office where there are some bored people, just whiling away their time. Then enters one of the members of the team (Scorpius) and they have a hit.
You know, this whole business of me comparing your story to a CSI show is hopefully not causing you as much pain as it is causing me, haha.
Ahem. Letís just ignore the CSI analogies.
I love the interaction between Rose and Scorpius. And I know that romance is the main genre of this but, to some extent, I enjoy stories where romance is a sub-plot. There are hints of it, but it doesnít take up every sentence of the story. Maybe itís the fact that I am completely and unhealthily addicted to spy dramas, action stories and murder mysteries but it just... I donít know. It makes it more real? *shrugs* The way I see it, no oneís entire life is devoted to their love life. Your love life is just another part of your life, right? So thatís how stories should be. The romance stuff should be secondary to life. And thatís what Iím excited about this. I think we can all figure out that something small might happen between Rose and Scorpius, but itís not the immediate focus of the story. And I like that.
Having said all of that, their interaction is really well done. For the first time in the history of the planet, she is not obsessing with his hair and he is not obsessing about her, um... hair. (Why is that Rose/Scorpius stories have a lot of mention about their hair? Huh.) Itís just two people working with each other who work well together but can still annoy each other. More friends than anything else. And I like that.
The action scene with Rose and the mysterious person is written really well. Itís clear and the reader always knows exactly what is happening. So donít be concerned about that. That creeped me out a bit, though. The Dark Mark? No matter how many times I read about it, any mention of it just kind of... I donít know. It makes every story that much more intense.
The one thing I was a little bit confused about was this:
Her uncle, if he had been here, would have probably killed her for doing what she knew she had to do, but she did it anyway, pulling her wand out of her pocket and waving it like a lasso above her head. She heard the locks in all the doors around her click shut and saw the silvery shimmer of the wards she had put in place in front of all the doorsteps.
Forgive me if Iím being stupid, but why would that be frowned upon if Harry found that out?
The scene with James is, again, well written. You show Roseís discomfort well. It may be hard to do since itís not in first person, but you still have small sentences that let the reader know she isnít entirely happy with what she is doing.
Iím not sure if James is innocent or not. As it stands, from an entirely objective view, everything points to James. And the part of me that thinks he isnít innocent is that... well itís James! Surely he canít be that much of a bad person, can he? He had to be framed, right? Why would he want to kill two Aurors especially being the son of Harry Potter? Oh, who am I kidding? As if Iím not convinced whether heís innocent. Obviously Iím convinced he is.
I just think itís going to be interesting throughout the story. I bet there will be times where his innocence will really be questioned, but everyone will probably be rooting for him to be innocent. Not to mention the fact that Rose and Harry will be caught up in the middle of it all...
Youíre going to toy with your readers, arenít you? Eh. Canít blame you. All I have to say is enjoy it.
So, yes. Iím hooked. And I canít wait to see what happens next. You have the action genre perfect. It has enough of other genres to make it well rounded and smooth. And I think itís going to be an awesome story.
Author's Response: Yes, this really is a HUGE departure from what I usually write. No fluffy/angsty romance here. Still a bit angsty, but its action! *nerves* Aww, haha, wow, thank you. I don't really know what to say. You're too kind. :) And you make me feel so young! I haven't felt young in a long time, considering I'm the eldest of 6. :O
Ok, moving on to the actual review as well...
Wow. Thank you so so much, seriously. Don't worry about the CSI analogy at all, cause I totally get what you mean. I am a diehard Law and Order and NCIS fan. (I don't know if you have Law and Order or NCIS in Australia, but they are just like CSI). I really did/do draw alot of my inspiration for this story off of those shows...cause obviously I'm not old enough to be a cop myself.
I'm so glad that you liked the Rosemerta scene. Honestly, its my favorite part of this chapter and also my fave part of crime shows. I just think it really sets the tone for the whole rest of the show/story, so I spent a long time on it. Thank you very much.
I'm glad you liked the Rose/Scorpius scene at the beginning as well. And their interactions. Hahaha, I get what you mean about their hair! I really don't know why people are obsessed about their hair, although I'm probably guilty of going into unnecessary detail about it too. I agree as well that I don't enjoy stories that focus completely on romance. I don't envision this story to be a real romance in any way. I don't know if you've ever seen NCIS (if you haven't go watch it online now) but I imagine Rose and Scorpius to be alot like Tony and Ziva. Friends, flirty, and care more for each other than either wants to admit. I'd say there's gonna be sexual tension between the two for a long time.
I'm so thrilled the action was well done. As you probably know, its what I'm most nervous about, so its good to hear I didn't epicly fail at it.
*hits self in head* Have you ever started writing, stopped/got distracted, and went back to writing without really focusing on what you were last saying? Cause that is what that paragraph was there. Hehe. I remember both trains of though I was having there before my mom interrupted me. I'll fix that. Thanks for pointing it out.
Am I going to toy with my readers? :) Me? Never. Muahahaha. No, actually I am. I enjoy doing it. Sorry! I love reading everyone's theories about his innocence. But I'm gonna keep mum for now. Just gotta keep reading.
Thank you so so so incredibly much for the wonderful review. I think I've read it a hundred times and it just gets better every time. I've said it before, but you rock my world. Thank you so much. :)