|Review:||Cedrics Blueyed Girl says:|
Hi, Melissa! Glad to see another chapter up and I'm happy to be reading again =]
Now, you asked for CC, and so I'm going to try and provide that in my kindest way. Not that there are any glaring problems with your writing, though, it was really quite good ;)
I know that it's hardly helpful to read a review and get a long list of all the grammatical errors, anymore so that it would be to read 'Luvd it, its gr8!' So I'm going to try and find a place in between those two extremes ;) Hopefully it's helpful to you!
So, the first thing I noticed when I started reading was the structure of the page - while you have an appealing writing style, I had a hard time focusing on each sentence because you had such huge chunks of writing in a paragraph. This is hardly a complaint, as it doesn't even relate to the content of the story, but I thought it was worth mentioning. Maybe just try to play around with the spacing and create a more 'open' chapter. Goodness, I sound so nitpicky... I hope you don't take it like that!!!
Something you mentioned was your worry about the characterization. For me, I find it hard to critique a character at this stage. Right now, Teddy's just a first year and we've barely known him for five chapters so there isn't much specific development to discuss. At the same time, however, from the phrasing you use to the points you include in relation to Teddy, I think you're doing a great job because you're laying out a deeper groundwork for his future character development. If that makes sense ;) Sometimes I find that I make absolutely no sense, so I apologize if you can't decipher what I'm trying to tell you!
As for the plot, I don't have any specifics, really. There's only so much you can do with that dreaded 'first-day-at-school' scene, right? At least for me, I always hate having to write the chapter when the little first year sees Hogwarts for the first time, just because it's so hard to escape the 'clicheness' of it all! Considering that, though, I did enjoy this chapter, and I'd be happy to give you more thoughts on the plot when more has happened ;)
Another thing you asked about was the writing style. I really don't have anything too specific to say on that, though. I mean, you obviously have talent as a writer - this writing is far beyond much of the writing I usually find on here. So, although I don't have any specific comments on that, I wouldn't worry if I were you. It was easy to follow and enjoyable to read =]
One last thing - I loved how you put Teddy in Hufflepuff! That made me smile! Anyways, I really, truly hope this long ramble was somehow beneficial to you! Don't hesitate to re-request when you update! I'd be glad to help you out =]
Author's Response: Helo!
I'm so happy that you reviewed this. I know that it has been a long while since I updated, and it is important to me to hear back from old readers. :)
You don't sound nitpicky at all!! Constructive Criticism is helpful and hard to come by. I'll be sure to look over my formatting (I'm always terrible at it *guilty face*).
It makes me happy that Teddy's first day of school didn't seem too terribly cliche. It was a tough chapter to write. And yes... Hufflepuff it is. I just think that it suits the character I've created for him better than the other houses. :)
Thanks so much for reviewing this!! I'll pop by once the next chapter is validated.