It's me...from TGS =]] This chapter was...unbelievingly brilliant. Where to begin?
Okay, so Lily walks in the house, gets rid of James' HOrse, tells him to take a shower and starts cleaning? And James decides to act like an immature baffoon (aah how do you spell that?), resulting in abusing Lily? That's some deep stuff, but so typical of James. I thought that seeing Lily with another man would have turned him around, not make him worse =]
Okay, let's start at the beginning. James' HOrse. I named her Bonquisha, because...I just wasn't satisfied with just knowing that her name started with a B. What was she feeling during this time? Some 'other woman' just walks in and steals her client/man? She knew his name was James, was it just because she had a good memory or she actually liked him? And will we be seeing more of her? Perhaps under a different name?
It was kind of funny to see James trying to hide the alcoholic drink, but also sad. One has to wonder what ever happened to him for him to end up like this. I think he's acting melodramatic =]
Kudos to Lily for trying to change him, even with her Luigi/Mario boyfriend. I am sure that a part of her loves him very much, preferably on a deeper level than with her boyfriend. They are Lily and James after all, abeit how OC the situation is (though I don't mind since it's a good plot). It just sucks that James threw her against the wall. Who'd want to come home to that?
I think you transitioned the slightly humouress/ really pitiful scene where James hides his alcohol to where he threw Lily against the wall very well. And then you did it again when James saw the fear in Lily.
The ending gave me inspiration...James wants to change his life! Hell yeah! Go James *indian call*!
When are we going to see more characters? Remus? Peter? Sirius? And I'm sorry for the lack of grammar critique...I don't think there was any, and if there was, I was too immersed in the story to notice ;)
Author's Response: Hey again!
I like that you use the word typical about James. It's hard ot write such a situation with a good character, and make it believeable. Accidents can happen, but the reason has to be ... well, reasonable in a way. Right? And Lily, well, she's just Lily.
Bonquisha, I like that name. But let's be clear, James wasn't her client, he just simply couldn't remember her name, and he had picked her up from some bar. No, Bonquisha is out. Random baar-chicks don't go.
Melodramatic might beone world. Childish is another ;)
Haha. Well, Lily cares, and no boyfriend can change that. And yeah, James always have a special place in Lily's heart. How can he not? And even though he did what he did, she obviously still cares ;)
Ahh, thanks. Very important to make it seem strange, out of place to change from one mood to another.
They other characters... Sirius, yes. But I don't really yet know about Remus and Peter. Depends on how far I write the story.
Thanks yet again for a great review!