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Review:TwilightPrincess says:
Hi! Thanks for requesting! I love reading entries for my challenge, as well, so this is a great treat for me ^_^

I haven't read many Hannah/Neville stories because I find it difficult to characterize the two of them in a way that makes the ship plausible. Neville has a little more of a defined character, but Hannah is basically just a name. She always is portrayed as the shy little girl, though, and that's what you have her as here.

I must admit that I was not impressed by your portrayals of Neville or Hannah. Hannah was the cliche damsel-in-distress, right down to the "Oh, Neville!" Whenever I read her speech, it sounded in a very high-pitched voice in my head, almost sounding like a mockery of a weeping, helpless girl. I know it's easy to fall into the cliches of something we've seen before or read before, or even something we WANT to see happen, but that's not always the best choice. I think in this instance, you and Hannah would have been better off if she didn't come off so helpless.

I'm a bit torn on Neville's characterization, though. After DH, I fell madly in love with him because he seemed to man up so fast. Here, you don't shy away from this transformation, which I like. I would hate to see another shy-guy-meets-shy-girl story, which is usually how Hannah/Neville stories go. However, if you had fallen as hard for Neville as I did, you were probably blinded by your love. The fangirl in me did a little flip when he came in there, covered in blood and sweaty and hot and holding that sword... And when you described him having callused hands when he kissed her, I died a little. That was nice. But still, it didn't seem like Neville. Yes, he'd had that man-up phase after DH, but I don't think it was THAT extreme. You made him seem like a superhero.

You did very well with the word constraint, though! It was really nice. You had just enough, I thought. Just enough description, just enough dialogue. Your word choice was crisp and precise, which is what I was trying to accomplish with issuing that challenge, so you did a nice job.

Thanks for requesting and taking my challenge!

.:.Ilia.:.

Author's Response: Wow, what a helpful and insightful review well worth the wait! Now that I go back and look at it again, Hannah does seem a bit cliche, but I think that I had fallen into writing her that way because I'd decided to just go-with-the-flow when I wrote this. And the same with Neville. I didn't want it to seem too rushed at the end, and I certainly did not want to go over my word limit, so I did the best I could. But I'm glad you liked him, and my effort at completing the challenge. :)

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