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Review:WitnesstoitAll says:
Melanie,

First off, in line with your author's note, I think I'll also curl up in a fetal position and cry a bit.

Okay. Better now.

So about that Review...
When I read angsty peices, they are usually angst/romance stories. I was completely unprepared for the completely appropriate darkness that this story held. So was it effectual? Yes. Was it moving? Yes. I loved the tone of this story because, while it was dark and forboding, it was told in a mannerism that Ron would use if he was telling it. The contrast between those two made for an over all chilling feel to the entire story.

Can I take a moment to tell you that I hate you for that Hermione scene? It was so sad. It kept me wishing that Ron could move for a brief moment and squeeze her hand back. And then at the end when Ron is actually dy... dyi... oh I can't say that word and Ron's name in the same sentance, but you get what I mean. So at the end when Ron is d*_i#g and he wishes that he could smell vanilla and ivy, all the emotions I felt in the Hermion scene came bubbling back.

The ending was a depressing but accurate look into Ron's character. Which I think you captured brilliantly. I'm a massive Ronald fan and am very fussy about his characterization.

Since the ending was so chess-y (which suited the ending quite nicely) I think that impact of the metaphor could have been bumped up a bit through out the whole peice if you had included something small in each section. I loved the section headings...

All in all this was a wonderfully/horribly sad fic. I enjoyed reading it immensely, although I am glad you aren't JKR and that Ronald really did survive the poisoning. :) lol.

Melissa

Author's Response: Wow, Melissa - thank you for the massive review! It means a lot to me because I'm still really insecure about my writing when it comes to angst and emotions and dark stuff - so every review is helpful!

I don't even know how to respond properly - I'm just so flattered by your comments. And I hate myself for the Hermione scene, too - but it had to be done, because she lurves him, you see. -nods seriously-

I love that you're fussy about Ron's characterization. Too many fanfic writers massacre him and slander his character and treat him unfairly. I want to restore his dignity. I think he's a lovely character, and I always want to do him justice.

I appreciate the comments about the chess metaphor, and I'm glad you liked it and wanted to see more of it. Perhaps I can figure out a way to enhance that a bit, and go back and revise this one-shot at some point.

I'm glad he survived, too - otherwise I might not have continued reading! I would have been emotionally crippled had he really died.

Thanks so much, Melissa! I appreciate it!

Melanie

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