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Review:Noc007 says:
Here's the review you requested!

Okay, here are a couple of things that I both enjoyed and noted as I read through your story:

" Today, the heavens are poignant; theyíve opened their gates and are pouring forth all their regret and sorrow down onto the world below. The rain patters softly against the forest floor, and the willow tree stands tall amidst the downfall."

- This very first paragraph is very poetic in sound! You have outstanding descriptive abilities that not only appear in the paragraph but throughout this story. This is a great way to catching the readers attention!

- I cannot exactly pinpoint to you the parts as it appears in the first half of the story when Lysander speaks. All I can say is that first half, his way of speaking sounds very formal. I'm not exactly so sure if it is the words he's speaking or the way you written them but the tone is clearly formal. Since he's speaking with a close friend, I don't really see why he should have that way about him. Unless that's his way of speaking?

- I must admit that I enjoy the way Dom expresses her feelings in this first half but I can't help but feel its being exaggerated. I
understand Lysander is a very good and close friend and that gives her an excuse, but, I still feel its a wee over dramatic. Of course this is entirely my own opinion.

- I really liked this part:

"You know what thatís called, petit Dominique doux? Soulmate; ‚me soeur. You see, mon litte l'un, Teddy and I were born to be together and thatís the way itís always been, the way itís always gonna be.Ē

Not only because it sounds so wonderful but, in a way, it seems there's a connection between this and what Dom has -whether she noticed it or not- with Lysander. I will like to call it foreshadowing.

- This:

"But sheís really moving out for good, and itís the least I can do to put on a happy face at the wedding, and tear up and make a heartfelt speech like the perfect Maid of Honor that I need to be."

Sounds so much like a puppet - she's there yet not there. Wonderful way of expressing how she's feeling.

- In the latter part of the story, I notice a change in the way Lysander speaks. The tone he's using is suitable for the situation he's now in. Perhaps, this is due to the fact that he's much older - even if it had been five years since he last seen Dom.

Overall, I really enjoyed this one-shot of yours. You have a wonderful writing style when it comes to the POV of a character. You really do get down to describing each feeling and scenery so well, the reader can just imagine it in their minds' eye. Do I consider your story fluffy? No, I find the end fitting. The only negative things I can say about this story is the way Dom expressed herself in the very first half of the story; I found it too over dramatic but this is likely my own personal opinion and others might see it differently. Then there's the way Lysander spoke in the first half; as I've said, I cannot give you the direct words that paint it but the tone itself sounds too formal.

Well, that's all I can say for now. Great job!

- Noc007

Author's Response: first of all: thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for such a long-winded and well-though-out review. it means a lot! even if I had to request it! it shows a caring, dedicated reviewer and I appreciate you taking the time.

all of the problems/issues you addressed have opened my eyes to the un-flowy-ness of some parts. your splendid descriptions of how I can fix them will most certainly help me! I thank you for that. I will try as soon as I can to get those fixed, because you have brought to my attention how awkward some parts are!

once again, thank you so much. I truly appreciate you honesty. and I'm glad you enjoyed it for the most part!

~EnnaBellaPotter


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