|Review:||Leigh Kelley says:|
Well, you certainly left us hanging at the end here. I was certain they'd get caught before they even got too far. I'm thinking that the stripes serve a purpose; that they are maybe there to alert Master (maybe?) of people leaving or approaching. It's a shame that they sent Devin on this mission, and that poor Rolf was too persistent to and had to tag along. At least he's able to hold his own alongside Devin, and that says much about his character.
So they want to revolt against Master? I wonder if anything like that would be successful, and if they actually have the guts to go through with it. I certainly understand their curiosity, their need to know what is out there. After being in the dark so long, questions will arise, and it's only so long that you can keep them stifled. I wonder how long Master can keep modifying memories before it stops working altogether. Hm.
I like Devin as a character. Always like the strong, silent types. It's best to keep out of trouble, but if the need arise, you're strong enough to protect yourself. I also like Rolf. He certainly thinks he's big, and has that child-like curiosity that you would expect from someone his age.
Your characterizations were on point throughout. For someone who is working with so many different characters and their POVs, it's hard to let them have distinct personalities. They are all different here, even though I sometimes forget about a character and wonder to their importance (Arnulf, for instance) as the story progresses and more characters get introduced.
Your errors weren't much, and were typos for the most part. Nothing particularly glaring, as it didn't make it difficult to read the story. Your plotline is unique and interesting, and I feel that you can write this as a stand-alone story. It certainly has the potential to be great and disconnected from the HP world.
Your writing is lovely, and simple. I had no problems slipping into the story that is unfolding before me, and you supplied just enough twists to keep me both interested and on my toes. I can't wait to see where this story is going.
I told you that I'd comment on your use of various characters through the story. While somewhat jarring, it doesn't quite take away. Sometimes you need different perspectives to get a point across, and in a story where things are so unfamiliar, I find that it's necessary. Just make sure that if you introduce certain characters, that they aren't there for just being there sakes, because I'll start wondering about them and why they haven't made another appearance.
Excellent job on this story, and I can't wait to see where you're going with this. Are any of the Next-Gen characters that we're familiar with going to make appearances? Or is this completely filled with OCs? Anyway, I like it.
Keep it up!
Author's Response: There is no excuse for my months-late review responses. Your reviews are just so amazing and detailed I want to do them justice. And dauntingly long, but amazing just the same.
Firstly, your speculations are great. It's rare I get a story going far enough that there's enough of a plot for people to start guessing at, and it's an really nice feeling. Keep guessing, though. You're not quite there yet. ;)
I'm really, really pleased that you like the characters. I actually recently took a step back and decided to organize this story, because I feel like it's all over the place and the plot's going to run away unless I pin it down. I'm all organized now, and am going to use Devin a lot more in the story than I'd planned, so I'm going to continue working on him. As for Arnulf... he was in such an early chapter, I'd had no idea what anyone was going to do. Unfortunately he's not that important, but he does provide a look at the life kids live at the Loup. I will work on characters like him, but I do believe/hope there won't be too many of them.
Another of my plans is to edit the story thoroughly; I don't like much of my writing in it, but I'll keep your like of the simplicity of it in mind. Hopefully I'll catch all my typos, and I had a beta but they had to quit... We'll see.
Anyway, I appreciate your reviews more than almost any others I've gotten, and they've helped me with my plot as I've tried to figure it out. Thanks so much!!!