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Review:melian says:
Back again!

Right, inner critic stuff first. My main comment on this one was the use of Muggle technology, namely the laptop. I understand that this is next gen and therefore the wizarding world could have embraced this sort of thing more, but it did throw me a little. It's not an error, but it did make me raise my eyebrows. And I also noticed that you use American spelling - again, not an error because that's the way I expect you were taught to spell, but some people like to use UK spelling no matter where they are from so I did notice it. But, like I said, not a problem, just an observation.

Okay. Your story. I admit I smiled when Grace said she didn't like snakes - for just a split second I was taken back to the Indiana Jones movies, which can't be a bad thing. :) And now of course the reader is fully aware which era we're in, so that's a good thing. My minor discomfort of last chapter is completely allayed.

I liked that Hugo knew what the Urn was, even though the connection was really bad so we couldn't make out exactly what he was saying. At least we could get the whole story later on when he appeared in the fire, though I do wonder why they didn't just communicate that way with him in the first place. Maybe he was nowhere near a Floo. It doesn't really matter.

Nice touch too with the poison from the Pest, I had a suspicion that something like that may be in effect but it was a great way to leave us on a cliffy. I do admire people who can do cliffies so well, I struggle with them and it's such a key part of storytelling. I'm most impressed with yours.

All in all, a good start to a story. Feel free to re-request.

cheers, Mel

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