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Review:Blissbug says:
Hi, BB from the forums here for your review.

Well, this is an interesting plot. While I've seen a couple of other fics out there with strange wizardly diseases, this one definitely stretches some boundaries here, but in a good way. Having not read your first chapter, I'm curious to know what I've missed because honestly, this second chapter had enough action, tension and character introduction to read as a first...

You do have some grammatical issues. You're way too found of ellipses (...) and while for the most part they're used correctly, there are places where they're not really needed. I would use details like gestures, expressions and the sound of someone's vouice to build the same kind of confusion, tension and worry you indicate with the ellipses.

I'd also secure a beta for this, because there are some minor mispelling and the like. Because this is an interesting story, I'd recommend cleaning those up, because they get distracting.

Overall not a bad read. I don't as a rule, accept Post-Hogwarts (I didn't realize your story was until I had already started reading it, so you get a free review anyway) but this I liked. Good job. 6/19

BB

Author's Response: Sorry for the delayed review :( I completely forgot about these after I read them.

Thank you for the review, and all the suggestions ^^ I'm definitely going to pay more attention to everything you pointed out.

As for the entire Post-Hogwarts thing, I'd recommend you be a bit more clear in your review thread, because technically this isn't Post. Technically this is Next Gen.

~Mercy


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