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Review:Rose_Weasley123 says:
Hello, Rose_Weasley123 here with your requested review! By the way, thank you for the lovely review you left me. Also, you put the wrong title in your request. I reviewed the one the link led to.

Congratulations on writing a Cho-centric fic. Many people avoid her, and if they chose to write her, she’s never portrayed in a very sympathetic light.

The one thing I think you should work on is setting the tone of the piece. It starts off with quite a lot of anger, but half way through, this trails off and it loses some momentum. It conflicted a bit too much, and it lost some of the tension that you had built up earlier. You also used a couple of unnecessary ‘you knows’.

Cho felt in canon, from what I saw of her. We don’t know much about her, but she was recognisable as Cho. She had a slightly conflicting voice in parts though. She has some lovely, deep thoughts, which are broken up with more teenage, casual words in-between and it disrupts the flow slightly. Also, pay attention to the era. Crushing felt a little too modern.

However, you wrote the continual theme of jealousy really effectively. You could really sympathise with Cho and her situation. It also seemed believable as a plot. The description you did have was lovely, and you used the 500 words to great effect. I’ve read quite a few entries for this challenge, and I think you did it well.

I think on the whole it is a good story, it just needs a little work to take it up to the next level. Feel free to re-request.

Author's Response: Thank you very much! Oh, I'm sorry, I noticed that right after I posted it, but I forgot to fix it.

Thanks, that's kind of waht I was going for... I'm glad I made it. (:

Okay, sorry. I'll work on that when I edit it... Well, the way I figured it was, there was always crushing and stuff... But I'll work on that as well.

Thank you! :D I'm glad.

I will when I edit.
-Jasmine


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