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Review:Jellyman says:
I really like the innocence of these two - Lauren seems really sweet. Much nicer than some mystery girl! And this whole thing, actually, is really intriguing. I like it :)

One thing I noticed about this chapter, was a bit of over formality in the dialogue. Maybe just tone it down a notch - think about how you would speak to your friends. Sometimes a bit of mystery/confusion wouldn't go astray if it adds to realism. The reader doesn't have to know every little detail of what is going and sometimes letting the scene be up to the readers imagination is a good thing :)

That isn't quite coming out like I want it to - let me know if you want me to explain better :)

Author's Response: I think I understand what you mean... less description when it comes to dialogue while keeping it open enough for the readers to imagine how the characters would react based on how I've characterized them already. Thanks so much for the feedback, and I really definitely remember to write it more causually than formally.

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