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Review:juliajane says:
I'm really enjoying some parts of this so far, but Ondossi is coming across as a total Mary Sue. Her dialogue sounds like an '80s sitcom character with all the wisecracking and bad slang, and she's become a much more important part of the action than really seems warranted from her initial reclusiveness. And a lot of the functions she's fulfilling could, I think, be better and more interestingly filled by many of the other characters. I do love the way you've captured the spirit of the other characters, especially Ron and Hermione.

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