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Review:RonsGirlFriday says:
Hi Leslie! I'm here with your review (finally!) from TGS.

First off, I thought this was lovely -- I thought you dealt very well with the emotions involved, and I loved the theme of trying to find a way to escape from pain. I think it's excellent, that you can take a prompt like the one Rin gave you and create this fic out of it. ^_^

To address your critique focuses:

Rose's character:
Well, to be honest, there were a couple of points when she reminded me of myself, so I suppose I have to like her for that fact alone, right? XD For example, when she tried to figure out how she can be sensitive and emotional while also being cynical -- I identify with that a lot. The struggle to figure out one's own emotions is never-ending, and I think Rose is an excellent character to illustrate that kind of emotional complexity. She's the daughter of Ron and Hermione, so there's bound to be a lot of fire and ice in her personality, because Ron and Hermione each have logical and passionate tendencies that are quite pronounced. So that being said, I thought you characterized her quite well in such a short fic (oh, that's not a jab at the length, by the way -- just an observation!)

Description:
Really great -- the images were vivid, particularly at the point when Rose was under water. Also, I really love this line: I cannot say for how long exactly I have been running, just that my legs already feel accustomed to the pace I am traveling at. That's all sorts of metaphor going on right there! Once again, I find myself identifying with it in some way.

Ending:
Well...I absolutely hate saying anything negative, but in the interest of honesty I should admit that I wasn't a huge fan of the final paragraph. It's very hard to put my finger on why, but for one thing, it didn't seem to have a lot of impact or wow or pizazz. Not that an ending always has to have a wow factor, but it seemed to be lacking something. Another issue I saw with it, is that the resolution seemed a little forced -- like it was an artificial sense of closure. It didn't seem to fit in with the rest of the story, about her angst and pain and wanting to escape and feel safe -- all of a sudden there's this whole thing about a fresh start and being better off without some cheating bum -- it seemed a little bit too rapid a solution based on the rest of the fic. Maybe that's what reduced its impact. I almost wish there had been a little more doubt, uncertainty, longing, cynicism, some unconnected threads...I don't know, it just seemed like this fic couldn't really be wrapped up in a neat and tidy package, but that's what the ending seems to be attempting.

HOWEVER, I should say there is nothing objectively wrong with the ending. It's written well, and this is your show and your vision, so I'm not really anyone to tell you what Rose thinks or does not think. ^_^

Anyway, I thought this was a great read, and I think you did justice to the emotions that this kind of situation evokes.

9/10

Melanie

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the detailed review,Melanie, and I'm sorry it's taken me his long to respond! I've been running around like crazy this month and things are just now starting to slow down again.

I'm glad to read that you enjoyed the story, and I do agree that the ending is quite what I even expected/want. I will more than likely end up going back to rework it into what I envision will make a stronger ending and I'll let you know when I do if you'd like to read it. So, anyway, thanks again for the review!

xD,
Leslie


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