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Review:Lily123Evans says:
Hiya! Sorry this took so long.. been super busy! Anywho. Bout the story. I thought it was really cute! I especially like the idea of a World Cup for Schools... really great idea! I always really liekd how you characterized Lily and James. You managed to show the HUGE improvement his "training" made. Lily was also a sweetie. One thing though, I would definitely add a chapter or a section that has a flashback about James' training. You really didn't give us much detail there. The only other things that I thik could be improved on are dialogue and some minor grammatical stuff. At some points the dialogue was a tad bit awkward. You really need to write how people talk. For example (I'm making this up on the top of my head...), "You are really going to get it!" She said. Okay. SO no one talks like that (at least no one I know...). So either you need to add some adjectives about how she said it, (threateningly, menacingly, etc), italicize stuff to put emphasis on the word, or juts shorten "you are" to "you're." I'm really picky about that kinda stuff...

And then the grammatical stuff... you really only missed a few commas here and there. Nothing major. Just thought I'd point it out. Anywho. Great story. Defintitely keep it up! :O)



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