Righto, so was just on the forums, checked your profile page, and I saw that you had decided to post your first SC4 piece. Well, I couldn't let your posting get even further of my reviewing, so I decided to pop in and have a look-see at it.
I think I see why you were trying to write another one. This one is a little silly. Are you sure you chose the correct era and characters? This seems like it could be a *coughcoughhackhack* Marauders-era *coughchoke* story. Hehe.
I don't normally go for these silly things. Or, I should say, I only go for them in small doses (which is why I can't read Douglas Adams or Piers Anthony books one after another like candy), which is why I'm so glad this isn't some random novel you've decided to start. Ok, sorry, I'll get to the point.
Yes, this story was funny. I found myself alternately giggling, groaning, chortling, rolling my eyes, and cringing. The beginning was a little heavy on the stupid boy-humor for me, but I laughed anyway. A stairway pass? That's brilliant. That's exactly the sort of thing I can see George and Fred doing.
The one thing I can't see is Luna vamping herself up like that, but it did make for an amusing story, as well as a rather sad one, when you really stop to think about it. And gee, I sure as heck wouldn't buy Veela hormones from Fred and George. The very idea makes me shudder. Too bad about that bezoar. The bezoars were a huge obstacle for me in writing my own piece. Because of that, I'm sort of wondering how exactly you got around it, how the poison worked, etc., but it really doesn't matter. It's rather nice that you breezed by it, actually, just allowing the reader to assume that bezoars don't counteract wyvern venom and leaving it at that.
By the way, I liked Luna's dialogue at the end. I think you definitely captured her matter-of-fact and honest side. Also, the final line was funny and, of course, reminded me of when Harry chucked a Potter Stinks badge at Ron's head.
Author's Response: You're right that Luna wouldn't be vamping up, but as this is a parody of all the 'Hermione makeover' stories, I felt justified there in being ridiculous.
I admit that I was indulging my silly side here. I think it's good to not take myself so siriusly sometimes. Uh, Marauder's era...ick, generally, but I can see the comparisons when you put it like that.
I really did mean for it to be way over the top and full of really bad prose, so I'm glad I succeeded there.
I've already told you my view on bezoars.
Just to make you happy, there were a lot of puns and double-entendres that I left out of this. It could have been much worse pun-wise.