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Review:Jackson Robles says:
Grammar wise you...I'm SO sorry, but SOMEWHERE up there you broke 'the' up into 't' and 'he' and you forget an end quotes twice right at the end. Besides that it was darn well edited!

He swears too much for my taste. I don't have a problem with swearing in general, but he swore at times that just caused me to go 'Really?' I should have said he swears too much in times when he doesn't need to--and he is the typical 17 year old, and they do do that, and they do drive me crazy.

So that was a compliment. You have this character down pat. I dislike him, which may be your goal, but that doesn't take away from the story. While I think your first two chapters could have been one--as nothing really happens in either other of them besides scene change--they are reading easily.

That's a big thing I look for--if your story forces me to read it. The first chapter felt like that, but the second one is getting much better! Flow's good--it usually does with a 1st person narrator.

And I like that. I do hope to see some redeeming qualities in this character. We already see he's at least a little human when his heart flutters for Vandy.

Nice work! And I do apologize if my last review came off as less than positive!

Author's Response: Thank you! Yeah, I know there are some typos, thanks for reminding me to fix them. =)

I'm sorry you didn't care for Clyde's potty-mouth, but that's just the way he wanted to be written. I had him in my mind, and that's just what flowed out of me when I wrote this. I know that sounds writer-y and lame, but that's seriously how it happened.

Yay! I'm glad you're getting more and more interested as the story progresses! =)

Oh, no, it's not like that at all. I can handle criticism, so you don't need to apologize or anything every time you point something out that bothered you. Thank you!

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