|Review:||Unwritten Curse says:|
Hey there! Thanks for requesting a review and breaking up the boredom that is my life at this moment. :)
Great beginning. You start with a bang, and I really like that. The description was great, too. It wasn't over the top, and it didn't sound like a thesaurus, so kudos. I really felt like I was running through the woods alongside your main character.
For some reason, I love this line: '...as I slip off my shoes to dip my feet in, thereís a catch in my breath.' It was worded in a way that when the word 'catch' came, it reflected its meaning perfectly. It stuck out in the sentence, because of the unique way in which you placed it, and I felt myself almost having to catch my breath from its suddenness, like your protagonist caught her breath after receiving a shock from the cold water. Sorry for all my rambling, but it's just a beautiful sentence and I had to comment. :D
I love the counting as she's underwater. It actually scared me a bit, because she was staying under a bit too long. As the seconds ticked by, I was thinking, When is she going to come up?, and that added worry made her ponderings that much more fascinating. I was hanging on to every word.
I liked the ending as well. It seemed to be an allusion to baptism, if I'm not mistaken. Being born again, anew. A fresh beginning. Very effective. Perhaps a bit rushed, though. You might want to smooth the ending out a bit, but that is simply my opinion and you are the brilliant author here. So it's your choice. :)
Overall, a 9.5/10, but I'll round it to a 10/10 since this rating thingy doesn't have that many options. You totally deserve it, though. Great writing. Feel free to request again any time.
Author's Response: Aw, thanks so much, Gina! I'm so glad that you liked it and felt the description was just right. And that was one of my favorite sentences too, it just kind of flowed out of me when I reached that part while writing this... I'm glad that it got you reacting from it, that means so much to me to know that my descriptions can be that powerful.
Oh, I'm glad that the thinking underwater while the seconds went on got you hanging onto every word, that's what I was going for. I wanted to pull in the reader, and I'm glad you felt intrigued.
I was definitely going for the whole born again feeling, and I'm happy that you got that from the ending. And I actually think the ending does end a bit too sharply, too, but it's kind of grown on me now. I may smooth it out sometime in the future, but for now I think I'll keep it like this. Also, thanks for the high rating, I'm flattered.
Thanks so much!