|Review:||Siriusly Smitten x says:|
In response to the review you requested:
I'll give you this much, I've never read an OC quite like Clyde. In fact, I've only read a few fan fictions with a male OC playing a significant role besides acting as someone's boyfriend. I have mixed feelings about the character. You developed him well. Readers get a terrific insight on his past, and why he is the way he is. I think this idea, as a base plot would make for a great original story, but not so much for a Harry Potter fan fiction. Clyde was out of place in comparison to Neville, Luna and Vandy, although that was probably your intention.
I know you mentioned the Americanized thing in your Authors note, but I'm going to talk about it. If you ever planned to re-write this story later, perhaps do some background research of British life and terms in the time period, or just rule out blatant American terms. I'm neither British nor American, but I think for an author to make their Harry Potter fan fiction realistic and relatable, British terms is helpful. However, there were moments of glory in Clyde's thoughts and actions that I did like.
Grammar wise, you were pretty good. There were a few awkward short sentences, but everything else was good.
I checked out some of your other work, and personally, I found myself liking it more than I did Cage. I found myself skimming through parts of Cage, although nonetheless, I was eager to see how it would end. You kept the story going, and made me wonder what was going to happen, so kudos for that. The pace was good, and I partially liked the first chapter with the moments between Neville and Clyde.
Overall, you have quite a unique story and character. I think your skills as a writer are definitely evident, and I stand by what I said above: It would make a good original fan fiction if you moved it away from Harry Potter fandom.
Hope this helps?
Author's Response: XD Thank you. Clyde was definitely a project. I know that male OCs are not very common around this site, but I still wanted to make him special enough so that people would remember him. I get your point about it being more suited for original - I was contemplating making this an original, but I sort of practiced on the HP-world first.
I appreciate your comments, but I must disagree. Having a character with such a strong personality like Clyde, I think he would be ruined by my mediocre British. Even if I researched, it wouldn't sound the same. Clyde is a strong character because I know him so well. I know him so well because I had to make him sort of American. Thank you, though. I do appreciate your opinion. =)
I understand. As I said, this piece is getting old. Some of my newer projects exhibit my more mature writing style and ideas, and I just wanted to keep this on the archive to show how much I've grown. Thank you =)
Thank you so much! I really appreciate your detailed review ^_^