Oh Melanie, this is just unbelievable. I'm on a bit of a bittersweet jag at the moment, so to find this was just glorious.
That last line in particular, I can has it please? It's just so elegantly simple, it's 500 words in 10.
What was so special about it was just how complete the characters were. In 500 words you've delivered Sirius completely. One of the most complex characters in the entire series and you've got him completely figured out, and more importantly, down on paper.
The girl as well, there's something very... pure about her characterisation. I don't know how you've done in, but I've got this picture of her in my head and I want to read more about her! Pretty, naive, pining - that's just how I imagine her anyway. Probably a lot of friends, quite a bright and sparky girl.
Anyway, I could keep going and going, but I won't. In short, I loved it.
Author's Response: Thanks for the amazing review, Jack!
I think I'm in a bittersweet phase, too. Been writing a lot of it lately.
I'm really glad you liked the last line. I hate writing final lines -- so much pressure and expectation to end with something string and memorable, and I fail at it so much -- but it makes me happy to know I accomplished it here.
Thanks for the comments about characterization, too! I think it was ambitious of me to write about these 2 characters in 500 words, because firstly we know nothing about the sitting girl, and secondly I wanted to write Sirius as he's not often written -- you know, I wanted to stay away from playboy Sirius, because I don't see him like that, and anyway I find aloof Sirius so much more alluring. (I have self-sabotaging taste in men, can you tell? It's so sad.)
I'm really glad you liked the girl, though -- I didn't want to reveal a ton about her, because I wanted readers to have some liberty to imagine her as they please, like she's sort of an Everyman (Everywoman?) She's every girl who's ever had her heart broken over a ridiculous crush. But to hear that you think her characterization is pure, is great to hear, because I like to think of her that way. Just naive, but very nice and well-meaning. No agenda or anything.
Thanks again for the fantastic review! I'm really glad you liked it.