Hi there! It's wisty with your review from eHPF. (o: This was a lovely little piece, short but emotional, just enough to capture meaning and yet also leave the reading still wanting, wondering, thinking.
From the beginning, I really felt a tone of remembrance, something somber, but yet this air of light aloofness, if that makes any sense. The dream part in the beginning, the rushing to the found - it was perfect. It has a Luna-feel, a mixture of dream and yet her own kookiness that makes you wonder what's real and what's not.
When I realized she actually woke up by the lake, I was startled. She was night walking, right? Er, walking in her sleep? Then I remembered that she mentioned that somewhere, right? Wearing her shoes to bed? Was it book 6? Or was it just in a movie somewhere?
Luna felt the music in her; it sang of grief not for the dead, but for those left behind.
Gorgeous. Perfectly Fawkes, perfectly Dumbledore, and perfectly Luna. Additionally, because we know what eventually happened as the battle came to Hogwarts, excellent 'foreshadowing.' Love it.
One small thing I'm unsure of, myself: Luna's voice in her 'dialogue' with Dumbledore. For me, I'm not sure it really sounds like her. It sounds very nice, something touching. But ...somehow missing her flare. Does that make any sense? But this might just be me, as I said, I'm particular about Luna. So if it doesn't help you, just toss it out.
Luna saw herself in the lake. Her nightgown was torn, rent down the front and covered in mud. Her face was covered in ashes and her eyes were red-rimmed from tears. She shivered.
I love the imagery, here. Also, were the torn clothes and ashes on the face an intentional thing? As I understand it, that was an ancient custom when someone became outrageously angry or aggrieved. They would tear their clothes, and put ash on their face. Is this what you were creating? It's lovely, if so, but wonderful even if it was accident. What I wonder...where did the ashes come from? Could there have been some burst of flame there? Or are we to understand it to have arrived the same was as the coloured feather?
“I came to say goodbye to Professor Dumbledore. I wanted him to know that he’ll be missed.” She met Professor McGonagall’s gaze and held it until tears started to brim in both of their eyes.
This, here, I love Luna's straightforwardness about her purpose being there despite the 'ill logic' regarding the fact of Dumbdledore being dead and unable to hear goodbyes. In this case, I definitely think the voice rings true to Luna. Very fitting.
Professor McGonagall shook her head. “It was just a dream, dear.”
“That doesn’t mean it wasn’t real, Professor.”
She knelt and picked up a brightly coloured feather from the ground.
Lovely! Totally adore it! These lines are brilliant - so Dumbledore, obviously, but so Luna, in my opinion too. A perfect ending to this piece, I think. (o: It was a pleasure to read and I hope my feedback could help in some way. Remember I am only one person so my opinions are only my own. Take what helps you and throw out what doesn't. (o: Excellent work!
Author's Response: First of all, I want to say that I think you're right about Luna's piece of dialogue to DD. I think I should make it more wistful and etheric; right now it's something that Harry would say more. Thanks for pointing that out.
Was she night-walking or did she fly there with Fawkes? That's the conundrum I want the reader to have. The ash is meant to either come from Fawkes burning or from Luna finding it somewhere as she sleep-walks; it's up to the reader to decide. I know the HBP movie she says that she sleep-walks, but I'm not sure if it's in the books (this was written before I saw the movie).
Yes, the ashes and ripped clothing was intentional. It's traditional for mourning.
Your feedback and review are very welcome. CC helps us grow.
I'm glad that I seem to have gotten the dream imagery right and it's not too heavy-handed.