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Review:Pookha says:
There's an art to writing a drabble/short one-shot and you have this art. You have to give enough description to keep the reader interested and you also have to have a self-contained plot that makes sense. You have both of those here.

I absolutely love the poetic way that you describe things here. It comes across like a gauzy dream, which is what I think you were trying to do. I find that we have quite different 'mental vocabularies,' but, I can see and understand yours. You make every word count as you evoke your style from your words effortlessly.

I've noticed you love the word 'bedizen' and I commented on it the last time. I've got to comment on it here again. 'Bedizen' has a connotation of gaudiness or bad taste that I find doesn't fit what you're portraying at the start. I know you're interested in linguisitics, so I thought I'd mention it, as the denotation that you would in a dictionary might not mention the connotation of gaudiness. If this is what you actually meant, then it's what I mean about our 'mental vocabularies' being different. That doesn't mean bad or wrong, just different. (For example, I detest Whitman and love Frost; which in some people's mind would make me a simple plebe, incapable of understanding Whitman's deepers meanings, etc.).

I love the drabble art form and I think is a marvelous example of how to craft one. This description of a tender encounter would work just as well if it were het, but as a male slash, it works wonderfully as well-it shows that men have pretty much the same feelings as girls when they're first encountering those first few loves.

Beautiful, poetic and artistic.

Author's Response: An art to writing drabble, never thought of it that way. I'm happy you feel I have the gift of such an art though.

Yes. I admit it. I love writing things to have an almost dreamy or surreal demeanor, especially those concerning love. I suspect that it, love, would feel at first as something unfathomable and untangible.

I had never known that the word bedizen had a connotation of gaudiness. I think I'll have ot keep that in mind (how I do love words with the letter z.) And I believe you're right again: that is not the connotation I would want suggested to my readers, so that word may have to change.

I think I understand what you mean by mental vocabularies. I suppose it goes hand and hand with connotation: how an individual has learned to perceive a word will affect how much it describes to them. ~ Or something of that nature.

I suspect that everyone has the same feelings upon that first encounter, and I'm glad that you could take that from this piece. It goes to show that people, no matter how different, were made the same.

Beautiful, poetic and artistic. You compliment me so.

Thank you for yet another wonderful review.
-Axjion


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