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Review:TwilightPrincess says:
Annyeong haseyo! Ilia here from the forums with your review =)

Fluff isn't my favorite either, so I understand where you're coming from. When I tried out my first fluffy story, I also asked reviewers if it made them gag =P

I like the narrative voice of Scorpius here. I like that he is strong and it seems like he is sure of himself. The way he narrates the story shows that you as a writer are confident in writing him this way. It's kind of like, "Yeah, I said it." I love that kind of attitude, especially coming from Scorpius. However, Scorpius as a character didn't do much for me. I know you're trying to write a fluffy story, but that doesn't automatically mean that your female character has to be a cute little girly girl and your male character has to be a lapdog. The way he acted contrasted so harshly with the strong sound of his voice, I was kind of thrown for a loop. It seemed like he was two different people.

I liked seeing their relationship, though. I liked how you had a very serious underlying note about their relationship - how Scorpius saw Lily as THE one for him, you know? It was very cute =)

The plot was interesting, albeit a little weird. Kiss and Make Up Day? o_O Okay, fine. I'll bite. But what was really lost on me was that Lily suddenly shifted into OMG HOW COULD YOU mode when Scorpius had obviously just made up a lie so that they could kiss and make up. You seemed to allude to the fact that Lily didn't care if it was a lie ("It can be about something totally random.") so I was a little confused when she suddenly flipped on him.

My favorite part was when he was going to take a drink and she jumped on his back and made him spill it all over the place. ^_^ Simple scenes like that are enough to make me smile. Scenes like those are what make a fluffy story good, in my opinion, and I think you captured that beautifully.

Overall, I wasn't gagging, but I had to stop myself from rolling my eyes. There are many different types of fluff, just as there are different types of horror, of action, of romance. You don't have to automatically resort to something you think works - take some risks and make scenes your own. Let your point of view as a writer shine through =)

Ganbare! Tanoshinde ^_^


Author's Response: Hey, thanks for reviewing :)

Concerning Scorpius - he acted that way solely because of Lily (he can act like he's tough or whatnot but on the inside he's a big softie - and that kinda shines through when he's with Lily, I dunno, maybe I should've made a point on that somewhere in the story hehe).

Well, Kiss and Make Up Day was purely there because of the challenge (Happy Obscure Holiday, hehe) - I didn't even know that such a thing exist (there are many more obscure holidays though... o.O I was surprised ^^ ).

Lily reacted that way because she was saying that jokingly and Scorpius was being serious (you as a reader from Scorpius' POV knew he wasn't actually serious, but Lily didn't :D ). Anyhow, I'll try to tweak the story a bit so that the point comes across that Lily was joking and all. :)

Thanks for the helpful review, I appreciate every feedback (especially in something like this hehe ) :D

~ Kristina

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