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Review:Pookha says:
This story was really a mixed bag for me. I'll start with the things I loved. I loved your characterization of Moody. You presented him as clever, a bit vain about his abilities, and very paranoid, even at his young age. I loved the way that he interacted with his mentor and the way he sprang to action when needed, even against incredible odds.

I loved the detail of the actual duel itself. You didn't overdo or overexplain the action and the fight seemed believable based on the canon books. I also loved the coded letter; in a story I'm writing now, Harry's going to receive a coded letter from his chief, so I was interested in how you did it. My way's going to be different, but it will have some similiarities.

I also loved the aside about the Minister and the sticky fog. I love little details like this; they add background to a story.

My negatives. There are a lot of typos, spelling errors and strange grammar throughout. I would suggest getting a beta for spelling/grammar. I don't think you need a plot beta because your plot was fine. I only mention the errors because they were numerous enough to be distracting.

I found their dialogue to be a bit stilted. Use contractions more in your dialogue and it'll sound better. When writing dialogue, I often read it aloud to see if it sounds like conversation or if it's too formal sounding.

Since you specifically asked about the action. I found the duel itself to be great. I'm no expert in this, though, as I've only written one battle sequence myself. I thought your use of canon spells was interesting and made the battle seem real. I also enjoyed the way the Chief Auror planned the battle and divvied out the assignments. This seemed well-planned on your part.

The story's pacing is fine and it goes from gathering info to action seamlessly and smoothly. The ending was great and it shows a lot about Alastor's life in a way that makes us care about Alastor.

You also specifically asked about the plot. I think the plot is actually very good. It's well-thought out and the actions of the characters flow from their limited intel (knowledge of the DE's actions). I can totally see the Auror department operating this way (even though it's not my vision of how it works. We each have different ways of thinking and I like your vision).

So, overall, I enjoyed it. Your plot and characterizations were good and believable. The spelling errors and typos took away some of the enjoyment for me, as did the slightly strange dialogue at times. An enjoyable read of a canon character in his younger days.

Author's Response: Thank you very much for your review. As in for the spelling errors I'm already getting a Beta, because I know my grammar isn't perfect - far from it - since English is not my first language.

You pointed out a thing I've never noticed: how dialogue sounds. I'll pay more attention to it in the editing of this story.

Thank you very much for your time. :]


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