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Review:Pookha says:
Your writing is very solid and mature. You give great descriptiveness without devolving into masses of useless trivia and minituiae. Your opening three paragraphs are masterfully crafted and bring the reader right into your story and make us care about your OC. They humanize her and make us want to know more about why she turned her back on the magical world.

Your explanation of her family being murdered and her just not being able to cope feels true and gives the story a hook for the reader to grab onto. Her despair when she runs from the car is visceral and real and tugs at the heart.

Normally, I would be irritated to read a story with an OC who was friends with the Marauders, but you're developing the relationship slowly and revealing it piece by piece rather than just saying 'oh... she was friends with the Marauders.' You've managed to avoid cliche and your OC seems to be very real and interesting.

One small thing that I really liked was her boss calling to check on her. That tells you a lot about her boss (caring and worried), but it also tells you a lot about Mary...she's punctual, reliable, at least friendly enough to be on her boss's good side.

This was an excellent opening chapter and I'm interested to read more.

Author's Response: Poohka thanks for taking the time to read this and I hope you've at least enjoyed yourself in the story I have begun to weave.

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