Annyeong haseyo! Ilia here from TGS with your review ^_^
I hate to start a review on this type of note, but my reviews go chronologically. I didn't much care for the way you opened this piece. To me, the beginning paragraph seemed nothing more interesting than, "My name is Kate Bell and I love Quidditch. This is the story of how I so on and so forth." Kalina, I know you can do something more original than that - you have! - and I feel like because you don't normally write first-person humor, you had to resort to something you know has been done before. Just because you don't have as much experience writing something, don't get freaked out! If you get flustered as the writer, I can tell immediately as the reader. You have to have the same amount of confidence, or else a reader will be able to poke holes in your writing left and right. Jishin motte! (Have confidence! ^_^)
Apart from the opening paragraph, I really loved the voice of the piece. She felt very real and it was conversational, which made it funny. So I don't think you failed completely - I don't think you could ever fail completely at anything. It was rather fun to read, the whole way through. Because you chose to give her such a spunky personality, it shined through. Lines like this: Imagine cold. Good. Multiply that by a lot. There you go. really make her personality feel very real because I feel like she's talking directly to me. =)
Imagine a guy. Good. Now imagine a Greek god. The kind that Olympus only sends down to make mad the poor mortal girls who live on this meager earth. This guy was romantic With each sentence, a greater form of "Ooh!" echoed in my head. You certainly know how to get a girl's attention. =P
I really enjoyed this chapter. It was very interesting and in fact humorous. You did an excellent job, as always =)
Ganbare! Tanoshinde ^_^
Author's Response: Hey Ilia!
You know, you're right. I'm still really unfamiliar with first-person humor, so I had absolutely no idea what I was writing. XD And it stands to view that I did the "Hi, my name is Kate. I have blue eyes and brown hair." kind of thing, though I absolutely abhor that. All right, confidence! Forward ho! I shall not be defeated! :P If you want to, I'll PM you when the edited version is up, once I get to it.
I'm glad, however, that there were positive points you liked! Conversational feels very easy to write, and yes, well, a spunky personality was precisely my goal. :) And I'm happy you liked her descriptions of the weather and of Charlie!
Duh, of course Eric Bana can get a girl's attention. ^_^ We are, after all, girls who do enjoy looking upon the nice fit bodies of men. :P (Don't tell my husband)
I'm glad you enjoyed it and I'm very grateful you were so refreshingly honest with me! :) Thank you so much for this amazing review, Ilia!