Annyeong haseyo! Ilia here for your requested review ^_^
Wow. If this had been the first thing I wrote, I would be doing cartwheels around my house right now. This piece is awesome, to say the least. I can tell that you really thought deeply about how you wanted this idea to be presented, and to be frank, I appreciate the effort. There's nothing worse than reading a story when I can feel that the author didn't care. This piece was so touching, I was almost in tears by the end.
I really am impressed by how little dialogue you had in this piece. One line, actually. And that one line was so powerful, both because of the content and because it was the only spoken dialogue. That's such a smart idea - to isolate the dialogue. Brilliant.
I also think your characterizations were amazing. I was especially struck by your portrayal of Molly Weasley. I think you captured the motherly spirit in her perfectly, and my heart broke for her because of your portrayal of her. This line in particular: Despite her own loss during the Battle of Hogwarts, her heart bled for everyone seated before her. In this line alone, you have captured the essence of Molly Weasley, devoted mother, but in a sense, a mother to everyone. Just... awesome.
The only thing I would change about this piece is the layout. You had quite a few huge blocks of text, which is quite daunting to see on the page, to be honest. Consider breaking up some of the longer ones into shorter paragraphs. I also think it would do wonders for the flow of it. After I came out of a long paragraph, I felt like I needed to breathe for air before diving into the next one =P
Overall, this is beautiful. I think you should be very proud of it, especially as your first piece. I wouldn't change anything except the format. Besides, if you change it up, you wouldn't be able to see how much you've grown, right?
Ganbare! Tanoshinde ^_^
Author's Response: hey Ilia!
Firstly, thank you for this wonderful review. It is indepth, honest, and quite helpful. :)
Secondly, aww. Thank you so much for your praise. I read the cartwheel sentance and wished for a moment that I knew how to cartwheel. I put a lot of effort into this peice and am glad that despite beginner's nievity, that it is noticable and appreciated.
I was very new to this world of ff when I wrote this. I didn't realize that stories without much dialogue were uncommon. I actually (when I wrote this) thought that the lack of dialogue was a weakness. I didn't include dialogue because I wasn't confident in my ability to bring realistic speech to my characters.
Characterizations are very important to me. When reading ff, if the characters aren't strong and tangible to me, I can't bring myself to finish the story. I try not to be hypocritical and bring strong characters to everything I write. I'm so dumbfounded that you were impressed with them. (Molly is my absolute favourite character.I'm jumping for joy that you think I captured her character).
I love the idea of changing the format. I've been trying to put my finger on what it is about this peice that I am disenthralled with and I do believe that might be it.
The last sentance of this review made me smile... just so you know. Thank you so much!!! This review is tops.