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Review:Jellyman says:
Hi! Jellyman from TGS, here with your review :)

I have to start this off with the minuscule critique I had for this. In terms of editing, I think this needs expanding. I think there could be things added, just to make the story a little more full. By sort of tying it up very quickly, it gives the story a passive sort of feel - it happens to me a lot, and I find it helps if the story is expanded :) Anyway, only slight problem I had with this as it is, was the dialogue. It seemed a little too formal - I think it would help to go over the dialogue a bit and read it out loud. That way, you can decide whether or not you'd actually say this to someone.

Okay, enough of the negative! The positives outweigh them vastly :D Your characterizations are fantastic! I know you said that they weren't your concern, and I can totally see why. You have Ron and Hermione down pat. One point I have to add for this - and I apologize in advance for being a canon Nazi, the only reason I know this is because I'm writing my own post-epilogue Hermione fic - is that Hermione actually joined the Ministry after she graduated. Sorry! I know how annoying it is, I just mentioned it because you seem to be sticking to canon with everything else.

They had discussed it previously, and they both agreed it was probably for the best; fainting in the room while the MediWitches were trying to do their job wouldn't be helpful to anyone.
I thought this like was particularly good. I can totally see Ron in my head, shuddering at the thought of watching something be born, haha.

On the whole, well done! I thought this was very sweet, it was a little glimpse into their life after DH and before the Epilogue. The little arguments and comments were sweet and I really enjoyed this. Thanks for requesting!

Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I appreciate it!

Yeah, I think I've got to edit for passiveness. I wrote another one-shot after this and it was a lot shorter but a lot better in wording. Maybe that'll help some. I guess I felt a bit restricted by sticking to the lyrics to extend it on either end. Hm. I'll try to work on that and check up on the dialogue. I speak quite formally, so that tends to be a bit of an issue. Heh.

Yeah, I know Hermione went into the Ministry, but I thought it would fit that section a bit more if she was in Mungos... I'm not quite sure why, I just went with my gut. I'm really pleased that she came across so well though, because I have so much trouble writing her. On the other hand, I can get Ron's lines and actions out in the snap of a finger.

Thanks again for the review! I'll be taking this all into consideration when I finally get to editing :]


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