Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:Cassie_Nova says:
Wow, this was fantastic.
I really enjoyed it. I love post-hogwarts stories and I absolutely love Teddy.
You amazing descriptive skills. The imagery in this story is fantastic, as is the grammar, which was perfect.
The little dialogue you had in this chapter was perfect. Very realistic.
"The moon that had once haunted his father brought a smile to Teddy now." This was my favourite sentence of the whole story. I loved how you connected him to his father here.
Now on to the negative stuff, because that what is a reviewer is for.
I thought you could have developed Teddy a bit more. You developed the scene around him better than you did him. You could have slipped little hints about his physical appearance, his hair colour, his eye colour even. This really helps the reader visualise him. Your setting kind of overtook your actually character, if that makes sense. Also, I had no idea how old he was in this, so I think you should clear that up somehow as well. Just don't make it too obvious, don't be like, 'the eleven year old Teddy...'
Also, the plot and conclusion were a bit confusing at times. Who was Seth? Was he an original character? If so, make that more obvious. Also, I didn't really get why Teddy was whole all of a sudden and I didn't get why Seth was part of him in a way.
Just assume your reader is stupid and spell it all out for them! Because they usually are!
Otherwise great story. You have a real gift.

Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing. I'm glad you enjoyed the fic. This wasn't so much as a character exploration, though I do understand that I could add in such details, and perhaps one day I might. For the moment though, I enjoy it the way it is. Funny that you say the grammar was great, I'm terrible at it, so all those thanks get to go to my beta lol.

You are the second person to comment on Teddy's age, and I swear I wrote it in. Perhaps it was too confusing the way I wrote it. It was in this line:

"He owed his freedom to them both, and many others who had died over the years to ensure that he, a child of mere fifteen, would be able to learn magic without fear of persecution for being less than pure."

That states he is 15, though, I could always reword it.

Again, thank you so much for the review. I always take everything someone says to heart and use it for later pieces.


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 318
Submit Report: