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Review:LoneWolf91 says:
Hi! Here to review :)

First this is a very good story overall! Very interesting and it has an original plot line. You should be proud of it.

1) "It was four o'clock in the morning, and everyone was supposed to be tucked safely into their beds. Everyone that is, except Teddy Lupin, who, for the fourth night in a row, found he was unable to sleep, and drawn to the beauty that the night brought upon the school. The floor was cold upon his bare feet. A small draft made him shiver as he found himself standing before the moving staircase. He descended one step at a time, ever careful to keep a watchful eye for those few people who, like him, were unable to sleep so late at night. The last thing he wanted was to run into a Professor and spend the rest of his week in detention." - This is a good paragraph. It's nicely descriptive with a good sense of atmosphere.

2) "Drawn to the second floor corridor for some ungodly reason" - The "ungodly" part of this seems a little random, it doesn't quite flow. It might work better with something like "some reason which even he himself was not aware of".

3) "The school appeared to have an aura of its own as the night left itsí mark upon the cold, grey stone." - I really like this sentence, it helps to build up a good sense of tension.

4) I have a concern with something that I kept noticing throughout the story, you repeat words quite a lot, in consecutive sentences. This isn't a huge problem, it just interrupts the flow of the story a little. But I'm probably just being picky there lol.

5) "As eerie as the school looked beneath the pristine shine of the full moon, it looked perfect and unmarred from decades of use. No one would have known that fifteen years before, parts of the school stood in piles of rubble, or that, had it not been for his godfather, Hogwarts may still be under the control of the Dark Lord Voldemort and his disgustingly grotesque Death Eaters. While Teddy knew only what his History of Magic text books told him and what little his family would talk of that time, he knew one thing was for certain; his parents were heroes. He owed his freedom to them both, and many others who had died over the years to ensure that he, a child of mere fifteen, would be able to learn magic without fear of persecution for being less than pure." - I LOVE this paragraph, it's well written, shows a good link to the past and gives an impression of the world having healed.

6) "...He had just been gazing at not long before..." - The word "just" is not needed here.

7) "...covered the floor and furniture and were coated in a thick layer of dust." - This is good but would flow better with "they in turn" between "and" and "were".

8) "Often, he had found himself sitting on a large fallen oak tree as the first star came out to play. He'd try fruitlessly to count all the stars as each one appeared, and often counted the same star half a dozen times before he would finally give up and chase the fireflies around the yard. How he wished he could go back and chase fireflies and count stars until his eyes began to water!" - This is so sweet! I love it!

9) "Note to self: do not try and envision a room you know nothing about, especially one that is in Hogwarts!" - Haha! Too true!

All in all this is a very good story and I enjoyed reading it. Sorry about the length of the review and I hope I wasn't too critical.

Author's Response: First, let me say thank you for the absolutely amazing review you left me. I swear this has to be my longest review ever in my whole time here (and I've been here a long time).

I'm so glad you enjoyed reading this fic. I know I have a very bad habit of repeating words throughout a fic and worse in the same paragraph. It's a bad habit, and I'm not very good at breaking it apparently. Still, it is something I know I need to work on.

I thoroughly enjoy the fact that you are critical of my work. It only serves to make me a better author and I am very grateful for the time you put into the review.

Thank you again for taking the time to read and review my story. It helps immensely to know what you think of it.


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