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Review:KillerDeathEater says:
yeah I like it. The idea is good and your a fair writer. There should be a moment when Kiana establishes her feelings for Harry like catching of the eye or something rather than her just liking him for his story.

I love quidditch in the books, its my favourite thing so three things i found wrong with that scene are listed below:

1. Why are all the houses having tryouts together? That isn't how it works: its an individual team thing arranged by the team captains.

2. Why did you move Malfoy form seeker to keeper? The rivalry between him and Harry is more fun because obviously Harry always wins and Malfoy looks stupid. its how just how its supposed to be.

3. The turn out may be bigger than usual due to the 'excitement' caused by American trying out for the team but its not an event, the people trying out aren't there to preform for an audience so the magnification of Davis voice and him announcing to the crowd doesn't make a lot of sense.

keep it up, i cant wait to read the rest of it.

Author's Response: Thanks for your input. Your points completely make sense, and the more I analyze this chapter the less I like it. So I'm planning on completely redoing the first two chapters to make this story the best it can be. Let me know if you like them once they're posted! Thanks for the review.

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