Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:TwilightPrincess says:
So it's been forever and a half, but I'm finally here to review your request from TGS. Sorry for the wait.

This was another excellent chapter, but what I'm most impressed with is your clear knowledge of the English language. (That was a poorly-worded sentence, but let me explain.) There were so many instances in this and the previous chapters where I just had to say to myself, "Hey, that was cool." For example: Her dreams had been riddled with mystery men, all dark-haired and handsome like her Rabastan... I look at that part of the sentence and I just have to sit here and be impressed by it. There's really no other way to describe my reaction. The word 'her' before 'Rabastan' is what gets me, I think. It's a tiny word but it makes all the difference. I won't go into detail about how it ties in the opinion of 'handsome' because you know that already. Just know that your little tricks are not unnoticed. =)

I really like that you use questions in the regular narration. I think a lot of authors here would say that questions should be reserved for first-person or italicized to show the thoughts of the characters, but isn't the purpose of writing to make people think? You're just quickening that process. And it certainly works. You're taking a direct route to the reader, which I like. Because this is both a plot- and character-based story, you need that. Good job.

Your house-elf writing was phenomenal. I am very impressed; it sounded just like JKR.

I don't know how I feel about the shift in Rabastan's mood in the end scene. Actually, I think it's because I feel like he doesn't have the capacity to call anyone dear, even his girl. It didn't bother me until later he 'demanded harshly' something of Pinky. Or perhaps you had him say dear as not a term of endearment but to amp up his... creepiness, I guess. This is difficult to explain. You know how sometimes the killers in the movies will try to coax out their prey by calling them sweetie or dear? If that's what you were doing here, it was over my head.

Overall, another great chapter. I can't wait to read more =)

Ganbare! Tanoshinde ^_^

.:.Ilia.:.

Author's Response: Haha. "Hey, that was cool," is always a good sign. =]

I actually don't usually use questions in narration, not because I think it's ineffective, but because my narration is usually pretty distant from my characters. In this story, though, I wanted it to get as close into Alanna or Rab's mind as it can without using first-person. I find that, like you said, questions speed up and intensify the way her thoughts are expressed in the narration.

Ooh, now that you mention it, that "dear" does sound a bit out of place. I meant to write "love," I think - in previous chapters Rab is always saying that, which is a bit ironic. =] No, I wasn't amping up his creepiness. ^_^ He doesn't strike me as particularly creepy, though you'll meet a couple of those kinds in future chapters. ;)

Thanks so much for the awesome review! I'll be writing more as soon as life gives me a break. *sigh*

~CSG

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Submit Report:  





All stories remain the property of their authors and must not be copied in any form without their consent. This is an unofficial, not for profit site, and is in no way connected with J.K. Rowling, Scholastic Books or Bloomsbury Publishing or Warner Bros. It is not endorsed by any of the aforementioned parties. Rights to characters and their images is neither claimed nor implied. The use of photographs and/or the likeness of any person contained herein does not imply endorsement of any kind. Any depictions were obtained through publically available sources and therefore fall under fair use. Although we may provide links to other websites, we are not responsible for any material at these sites. You acknowledge that you link to these other websites at your own risk. All original administrative content is copyright of the site owner and must not be copied in any form (electronic or otherwise) without the prior consent of the siteowner. ©2000-2012 Fanfictionworld.net

[terms of service] [report abuse] [privacy policy] [site credits]
 
 

navigation

home

search HPFF
read stories
write stories
login/register
get help
site links
forums
podcasts
Terms of Service
Site Rules
contact us

  
 
 

categories & genres

Genre:
- crossover
- drama
- fluff
- general
- horror/dark
- humor
- mystery
- romance
- action/adventure
- angst
- au
- young adult

Popular Pairings:
- harry/ginny
- ron/hermione
- james/lily
- draco/hermione
- more...

Format:
- one-shot
- short story
- novella
- novel
- short story collection
- songfic

  
 
 

quick links

my account
ToS
random story
site rules
help
merchandise


  
 
 

fanfictionworld.net