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Review:LucyLovegood says:
Not sure why it won't let me post this signed in, but such is life...

I wouldn't worry about grammar at all! I didn't notice any errors. And you needn't be concerned about the dialogue/description balance. I think you managed it well. The description at the beginning sets up the scene, leaving the focus in the second half to be placed on the action. It works! Don't stress!

I didn't find Neville's grief to be contrived in the least. Perhaps you feel that way because that's his reaction to his mother's death, contrived. He's in such a difficult position - it would be very hard to grieve someone you really didn't know.

One minor, teency weency comment though: mom is American. I'm just fussy!

Great story! Hannah/Neville are SO under-appreciated! I think their relationship is really interesting, how it came to be, sharing the whole dead/incapacitated parents thing...

Loved it x

Author's Response: Aw. You're such a dear. :)

I'm very glad that you weren't able to find any glaring grammar concerns in this story. I absolutely love writing description and sometimes worry that I tend to drag on with it.

I'm glad that his grief didn't come off as contrived. That is an interesting way to think about things. His reaction would be contrived -- he never really got a chance to be a proper family.

I know, I know. My life would be much easier if I were English. hmmm. I'll be sure to check out and change the mom to mum. :)

I agree. Neville and Hannah have the potential to be a beautiful story that no one seems to want to tell. :)

I'm glad you loved this story. Thank you for your review.

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