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Review:Clair Clementine says:
First of all I thought it was bloody brilliant! I've read a fair few of romances, but in this particular story I really FELT Lily and Jame's lvoe and emotion and sorrow, everything every relationship has really. Description, in my opionion is key. And You had that key and unlocked the door. I ntoiced it right from the first sentence, but it really came out in the fourth paragraph when describing Lily. That was just fantastic!

Ok, I always enjoy finding, discovering and pointing out what I felt the meaning of a story was. It took me a while for this wonderful one-shot, but I think I've got it. What I kind of noticed is that Lily sort of, in her mind wanted them to stop fighting all the time and have everything be perfect with herself feeling perfect and wonderful all the time. James, on the other hand, took the more logical step and said, 'this is the way we are, this is the way our relationship is, and I love you so much, that I'll take the fighting' or at least that's what he was saying to me. Rather than trying to be the perfect couple they wanted to be, Lily had to accept the fact that there was always going to be that dreadful, screaming downhill part of the rollercoaster their relationship was going through, and because she lovs James so much, she was willing to take the cons of it all.

Than again, that's just what I saw! Haha!

Sicne you said you were looking for some grammatical help, I wrote down a few that I saw. Most them were actually only in the beginning. So here they are:

1.)It was a gloomy night. The thunder was shaking th(r)ough the sky

2.)starting with a cloudless sky and bright warm sun shining proudly in the sky (repetitive with 'sky')

3.)the only source of light in the room; those thumps of lightening were the only thing that lit up the whole place and brought life to the seemingly dead room. (repetitive with 'room')

4.)as if tried(trying) to fight the storm in vain.

5.) “What I meant was that we were never going to be the perfect couple because of out(our) past.


Oh, and I just REALLY loved this sentence later on:

"Emerald met hazel at once and both their hearts broke even more as they saw the sadness reflect in their lover’s eyes."

It was just so powerful!!!

All in all, it was incredible and I'm delighted that you requested I review this on the HPFF forums. I definitly enjoyed it. Like I said before, I could really FEEL the emotions coming in from James and Lily. Also your use of language was pretty good too. Your writing is clean cut and spot on! Great, great job!

Clair :D 100/10!!!

Author's Response: Thank you so much!

I'm so happy you liked it. And you totally nailed the whole message behind the one-shot. Practically you don't need to be perfect to have the perfect relationship and Lily doesn't understand that while James does. What I wanted to do was show how Lily kind of finally understands she doesn't have to be perfect to be with James, he loves her anyway and because she loves him she's willing to take risks in their relationship.

And thanks for pointing out the grammar errors I'll make sure to correct them.

Thank you so much again for taking the time to review my story I'm really glad you liked it :)
x


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